Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Attention Shoppers: We Have An Obscenity In Aisle 9

Holy mother of pearl do I have a whopper of a story for you.  It can best be summed up in 4 words:  pants on the ground.

What I am about to describe to you would provide General Larry Platt with new inspiration for his song.

On Friday I got up bright and early and dragged the Chef to a private clothing event.  I'm sure you've figured out by now that this is part of my job - although luckily I had taken the rest of Friday off so we could have a leisurely afternoon.  Suuuuure.  Because that always goes as planned.

At the first place we got invited to another thing (thing being the operative word here) held in some warehouse in the middle of nowhere.  We didn't know much about it, but it sounded okay so accepted and went along.  Does the above picture look like fun to you?  Maybe.  Does it sound like fun if you add to it dim lighting, a minimum of 500 people - and I highly suspect many more (can you say job abandonment?), much narrower aisles, zero fitting rooms and 3 mirrors in total?  Not so much.

Now try adding 497 women dropping their pants in the aisles to this equation and see what kind of images that evokes.  Are ya blind yet?  Because I'm still scared to open my eyes and he hasn't uttered a word in the 5 days since (think state of shock).

In hindsight we should have turned and sped off at the first sign of a bazillion cars in the parking lot, but curiosity took over.

And when security said "No Bags" as we were walking in, perhaps we should have taken it as sign number 2 and turned and ran instead of splitting up as he returned my bag to the car - where he should have remained and called 911.

Because when I walked in the door and almost got trampled to death by half naked women and clothing flying everywhere it was too late.  I got swept into the crowd like a ragdoll out to sea and that was the end of it.

                                                                    image via te quiero                                             
                                                 (i have a feeling this person was in attendance)

By the time the Chef finally made it into the building he was completely mortified (I owe him so big for this I don't think I can ever recover.  We're talking relationship recession in a HUGE WAY girls).  Being the sport he is he was like, "now that we're in here let's see what's going on."  Famous last words. 

Apparently this is "No Manners Week" here in America.  At one point I looked up and it was a sea of women without any pants on.  The poor Chef was looking up at the CEILING because everywhere you looked it was bare bottom after bare bottom.  We are talking g-strings for days.  Humility is dead.

After what seemed like hours of mayhem we emerged torn up, bruised and battered, but with our pants on.  Thank God.  2 more words:  NEVER AGAIN.

Here's one of the rewards of battle:  Studded denim vest.

                 Goes terrific with just about everything because I'm a basics girl.


                                                     Including my fav Matt Bernson's.

 And of course anything by Melinda Maria.  Have you entered the giveaway yet?  Just a few more days...

Outfit details:  Current/Elliott Studded Harley vest, James Perse dress, Matt Bernson KM Gladiators, Melinda Maria jewelry


Jessica said...

This would have been Nate's version of hell, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have stuck around like your man. I would have been left alone to battle with the half naked ladies. But, I'm glad you made it out unscathed - and with a new item to show for it!

It actually reminds me of the Shopbop warehouse sale I went to about a year and a half ago. Shopbop has its storefront and warehouse here in the Madison area, so I was all for a 90% off sale - enough to stand in line for nearly two hours. When it was finally my turn in the sale, it was intense with, like you said, half naked girls everywhere. I made it out with a new item, but only because I didn't want to leave empty handed after an experience like that!

Anonymous said...

You are so funny! I am laughing out loud. Check out my post today I tagged you in it. xo

Closet Fashionista said...

Woah that is MADNESS!!!! Ha ha XD

Lisa Lisa Lisa said...

Lookin like a fool with yer pants on the ground.. I love that guy. My friends and I had a big kick over him in January on our ski trip and so it brings back good memories!

That sounds crazy. I would have hated it too!

fashion clocked said...

Oh my gosh- this sounds like a nightmare! I must add- totally worth the studded denim vest- you look gorgeous in it! What we do for a good sale.....thanks for the laughs! great post.xx
call by
fashion clocked

Valerie said...

Oh my goodness, Carrie! I had the EXACT same experience with a girl friend a few weeks ago at a Cynthia Vincent sample sale downtown. I was SHOCKED to see all the naked women (g-strings as well as full breast shots) battling over summer dresses and harem pants. It was shocking and frightening and scarred me a bit too. But it looks like you came out ahead, which is more than I can say for myself (I didn't find one single thing). That studded vest is fabulous and I've had my eye on your Matt Bernson's for a while now. They look amazing on you!


alli/hooray said...

Hilarious story! You are lucky the Chef accompanied you - my husband would have run far away. The vest looks great on you!

PS. I totally agree with your note yesterday about balanced living, well said :)

this free bird said...

Jessica - I'm over here rolling. You DO live in Shopbop mecca land and that has to be the mother of all mothers for warehouse sales!!! What a brave woman! I would have totally been in that line with my helmet on. Chef on the other hand? No way! We got caught up in this last thing totally off guard or it NEVER would have happened. The private shows have food, cocktails, entertainment and very controlled guest list so those are enjoyable and he doesn't mind to see what's going on if he's not working - but the other thing?? Uh-uh!!

I don't have a leg to stand on w/him anymore. All my bonus points are used up. I foresee hours of baseball on the television, all kinds of surf trips, shoot em up movies and all the other things guys like in my future. I'll be kissing the summer goodbye from here on out...ha!

Debby - Thanks so much for the tag! I'll totally take part in that (maybe Friday or next week?) That's awesome and I love to share my fav things!

Closet Fashionista - You can say that again! cuckoo!

Lisa - we sang pants on the ground all weekend and laughed our heads off!!

Katie - at the time it was hellish, but once I got in and actually saw some of the stuff it was very good and he knows it can be an arm and a leg so I think that's why he was okay staying for a bit.

Valerie - YOU ARE SO BRAVE TO GO TO THAT CYNTHIA VINCENT THING. Can you imagine everyone whipping their clothes off? I'm pretty free-spirited, but I was actually shocked. And who has a sale without a dressing room or a mirror?? Hel-looo? I've had those Matt Bernson's for 3 years and have worn them like crazy. I highly recommend - they hold their value and are extremely comfortable. I've worn them at least 180x and I think that's what I paid - $1/time!!

ps* I should have prefaced this by saying I walked out of that gongshow with $2000 worth of merchandise (and a partial lobotomy) for $205. It was nuts.

this free bird said...

Alli - oh there is no way the Chef would have gone to that thing (or even that I would have gone to it) had he known what it was. It literally was like getting washed into a sea of denim, dresses and bodies!!

I had been thinking a lot about what you wrote yesterday so it was confirmation to know I wasn't alone out. I'm not going to let this thing (or any "stuff") run my life. It's just not wise or healthy. :):)

MT Days & Nights said...

Love your denim vest! Also I'm doing a really cool laptop case GIVEAWAY on my blog, check it out!!


Anonymous said...

oh dude. bare fannies have been a favorite thing of mine to point and laugh at since childhood. (probably why Rob and I have so many instances of nudity in our home... naked lady bottle opener, naked lady ashtray, naked lady mug, naked lady utensil holder... the list goes on) But I can imagine being a little frightened in this situation. My hand would be in a constant state of confusion---point? cover mouth? cover eyes?

vest rocks, btw.

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

Love the vest, and I heard the same thing was happening at the Lilly Pulitzer Warehouse sale last week, except most Lilly is dresses, so The Chef would have had to look somewhere other than up.

this free bird said...

i'm roaring over here - c&c with x-rated housewares and bumpkin w/the somewhere other than up! ahahahahahaha - poor thing was already staring at the ceiling. he's scarred for life

Jen said...

Love the story!! And love Bumpkin's comment. She always says the funniest stuff! By the way, lookin' good girl! The vest was definately worth it.

Couture Carrie said...

Hysterical post, darling!
Love your vest!


Marcie said...

This is so funny! Your poor husband. Jimmy would have been dying! I am glad you got a cute vest out of it. I really like it.

Great story!

d&d said...

that made me laugh so hard i spewed my coffee.
chef should be referred to as "the saint"

Poppies and Sunshine said...

Wow, I have never heard of such a thing. Crazy! And funny to read. I think the vest you got is so cute! Worth it, I hope?

And regarding the picture you like, here is the person's tumblr site:

Maybe you could ask for permission to use the picture?

kendall k. said...

I'm so glad to have stumbled upon your blog!
Great story and I love your Matt Bernson sandals...


Style, She Wrote said...

That vest totally rocks. You have great style!

xo style, she wrote

charmaine said...

Hey Girl!

LoL!!! You are too funny! Malene is driving you nuts too? I'm like addicted! they have the cutest clothing. Where are the money fairies when you need them.

Going back to read your post. I just had to comment on Malene!

God Bless,

charmaine said...

Girl, how did you do it? I was probably one of those women. LoL, just Kidding! this is a way out funny story. poor chef and poor you. he was awesome for even staying. he probably was like "Thank God I'm a man" but i have to say, looking at your fabulous vest, honey i would have been bumping heifers from left to right to get that vest. and might i add, you look good in it!

God Bless,

Diya said...

hahahhahaha I would have been one of those gals. poor chef!

SANDRA said...

hey! thanks for the love on 5 inch and up :)

you are toooo sweet!

xx sandra

blow8 said...

haha proper made me laugh, you are gorgeous. fabulous blog babe!

Iva said...


you are gorgeous!!!!

MarchMusings said...

Good thing you got a good basic out of it. Love the story.

Josie said...

This is HILARIOUS. Gotta love those sample sales... If it's any consolation, the vest looks super cute on you!
xo Josie

She Wore It Well said...

hell yes, but the vest is amazing!! great buy honey xoxo

cindy said...

I think I would have needed a couple of beverages after that one.

Can you imagine the burn if you'd left empty handed?? Or worse yet, suffered an injury? (I'm reminded of your fiasco at the Farmers Market but this time at the hands of a semi-nekkid thonged woman instead of a granny with a shopping cart lol!)Thankfully you left with the joy of some swag, and that my friend, fixes a whole lot.

Rachel said...

Sounds like it was absolutely crazy. At least you got a fabulous denim vest!

And after all this time, "Pants on the Ground" still cracks me up.

Mackenzie {Design Darling} said...

what a good sport he is! i'm still laughing. i love your vest — it looks amazing on you!

Maria at Bachman's Sparrow said...

You look beautiful in that vest! Your poor man, I think mine would have ran out of there as fast as he could!

xoxo Maria

jennine said...

oh my goodness, you are so lucky! i always fail at these kinds of shopping events, i don't know what it is that does it. but wow, that vest is amazing!

SweetHome said...

Love the vest! Maybe boyshorts should be a necessity for warehouse sales...


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