Thursday, December 2, 2010

Aggravated Mayhem Pt. 2

While everyone's busy making snazzy gift guides, eating latkes, and buying Christmas trees I'm over here just trying to stay alive.  Grab a cup of coffee, tea or a cocktail and prepare for a ride.  I've got a tale and a half for you today.

Remember back in July when I got caught in the middle of an extreme case of aggravated mayhem at the nail salon? (after which I have only been back once just to note).  If you weren't following along then I highly suggest you click that link and prepare to pee your pants laughing - and let's just say that yesterday made that incident look like a picnic in the park.  From sun up 'til sundown it was one bizarre happening after the other, and I couldn't wait to go to bed and leave the day in the dust.

yeah right
 image via Florescents

At approximately the butt crack of dawn I heard a series of cat screeches and several intense hissing noises followed by the Chef racing down the hall, out the door and wrenching the fence to the side yard open.  After Sister Lil (my little cat seen here) got hit by a car last year on my birthday Chef built an enclosure so she and Monkey Boy could no longer run the streets.  (Cat gangs everywhere rejoiced now that the ring leaders were jailed and turfs were up for grabs).  Welp, seeing as my cats are hooligans they do not take kindly to the neighbors circling their space...yesterday morning one of those neighbor cats decided to walk on top of the wire roof and fell into the yard unable to escape the wrath of Lil.  Nothing like getting rattled out of your sleep thinking a rattle snake is hissing in your face.

 image via pretty eyed, pirate smile

Cut to next scene and I've dropped off my car for service.  On the way back I stop at Mailboxes Etc. and come face to face with the crazy-bird who, in April, rammed into the back of my brand new car (see here), that I saved several years for, while I was at a dead stop red light in a slew of traffic. He proceeded to play the handicapped old man card, but accidentally revealed he was a hoarder who had been leaning over to pick up a "relic" aka old barbie leg (no jokes) from the floor of his bashed up Chrysler Pacifica (accident prone much?) when he looked up to find himself rolling toward me and hit the gas instead of the break damn near sending me flying into In-N-Out Burger.

 more like a series of nightmares, thanks.

Oh, it gets better.  Following the incident he then went on to avoid his insurance agency until the final hour, prank call me, accuse me of lying (uh how does that work seeing as I was facing forward at a dead stop when you crashed into me grandpa?!?), cause month long delays in my car being repaired, verbally accost the Chef at the car wash, accuse me of fraud, make me have to see 140000 doctors just to get back treatments paid for - all while I was suffering from walking pneumonia.  Suffice it to say I scurried out of the Mailbox place at high speed to avoid suffering a white out like Amber when she lays a beatdown on Gary on Teen Mom. 

mmmkay?  I think she's got it covered.

Only to come home and realize I didn't have peppermint extract so would have to go back out again...then as I was returning, glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed the man behind me was naked in his car.  In November.  And it's not been exactly warm lately.  I really don't think the guy had pants on (although I did not get out at a stoplight to take a closer look).  Can you imagine this??  Try not to.


 Apparently yesterday must not have been his big day.

Stepping on the gas I managed to get home and race inside the house (before a meteorite could hit) coming ear to sound wave with a major yelling blowout that the next door neighbors were having.  All the windows were closed and I could still hear it for almost an hour...over, from what I could gather, her controlling him by monitoring his use of the bathroom to take care of, how shall I say this politically correctly, Number Two?  It was the most insane thing I have ever heard!!  TMI with him detailing how he was just trying to take care of business while she stood outside the door and, apparently, demanded it be over??  I locked all the doors and contemplated crawling under the bed to hide.

Did someone forget to tell me it was 'Come and Get Your Free Crazy Pills Day?'

 This is what I SHOULD have been doing all day!!
lalalalalalalalalalala
pass the straight jacket

It was around this time I lost my marbles and decided maybe I would up the ante and attempt to make Peppermint Bark   Chocolate or liquor, chocolate or liquor... Of course Chef's cat decided that parchment paper was her new best friend and the counter was a wire she'd like to walk across...don't even get me started on how it ended.

55 comments:

Katie said...

The holiday madness apparently came out today. If it continues I'm canceling Christmas and taking a vacation. Pack a bag and join me. I have nothing planned except for, you know, a vacation. With cocktails. Lots of those obviously.

this free bird said...

omg i told the chef today that i might run away to hawaii for xmas. i'm at the end of my rope.

-Sam I Am- said...

I'm sooooo glad you stopped by today! Thank you :) It meant so much to me. And I'm so glad you feel me on the JG/TS thing! I guess far by me to burst their happy bubble though! No worries love, our Jake's will come :)

jemina said...

Oh dear, what a day, it was all in a day wasn't it?, your life is sure colourful honey :), take everything with a pinch of salt, someone once told me. Hope you're OK now doll

Kisses
Jemina
xoxo

Krystal said...

Oh my gosh. Always choose the liquor esp after a day like that!!! Oh to live in your world :)

style'n said...

Carrie-OMG I read some of this on Twitter so I kind of knew what was going on. Our parked car got hit last week while we were at brunch, gal left note (probably b/c someone saw her do it!), we call her and denies damage saying it was only a scratch. Meanwhile we have the pictures, her note. She said someone must have hit the car after she did! Why can't people just be honest and admit it when they do something wrong? Anyway your post is hilarious and I love that cat. Also seriously what kind of neighbors do you have? Drama, drama, drama with them right? Sounds like you had an eventful Wednesday to say the least. I wonder how today will go.....

Debby said...

Carrie, what the heck is going on in CA? Some fights are just not meant to be overheard, huh? I don't know how on earth you are going to keep a straight face when you see them! xo

Closet Fashionista said...

Oh dear heavens.....that is one crazy day...haha
at least you always have good stories to tell ;)
http://aclosetfashionista.blogspot.com/

Chas said...

What a day! I'm glad you survived to tell the tale!

Taylor said...

Was it a full moon or something!? Everyone has seemed to go nuts. My favorite part is the guy who was naked in his car. It leaves me wondering, what DO these people think about?

Taylor said...

GEEZE girl (well let me try posting this again for the 7,000th time, new day new try!)

Firstly : Holy hell, who miss crop dusting the Valley and hit the Beach - you were sure in crazy town. And Secondly: I kinda like listening to people argue - it is funny. I especially like listening/watching the quite out in a public place argument - is that bad!???!?!

I hope today is strides better and if not, call it early and tell Chef I told him he needs to pamper you! or at least get you liquored up! ;)

xx-T

Anna Jane said...

hahaha just one of those days i suppose. we all have them, although, i've never seen anyone naked in their car, but i don't have a car, so that might have something to do with it. eek, i'm rambling like one of the crazies you're referring to!

i'll stop.

Courtney Erin said...

Wow, what a craptacular day. I bet that argument that your neighbours were having will haunt your nightmares for years - I guess if you are going to be insane and controlling, monitoring the bowel movements of the one you love is the way to go. Ugh.

xoxo ~ Courtney
http://sartorialsidelines.blogspot.com

Emilie said...

oh! What a day!

Alleen said...

I was reading bits and pieces on Twitter but I don't think you could ever write a day like that! Glad it's over and you survived!! Happy Thursday? You can only go up from yesterday, LOL!! xx

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Wow, that is one seriously crazy day my dear. Err, hoping the rest of it is filled with nice, sane people wearing fashionable clothing :)

Daniela said...

Dec 1st will go down in history for Carrie!!!

Diana Mieczan said...

Ohh my word!!! What a day!!!....Hope today is a much better day for you,sweetie
Kisses
Happy Thursday

Nikki said...

OMG Carrie thank god you are ok! That sounds like madness and I'm so happy you survived. I'm thinking you need a vacation...somewhere with margaritas and sunshine.
xx
Nikki

hip hip gin gin said...

Oh my god, tears are rolling down my cheek I am laughing so hard! So sorry by the way that all of this happened to you, but nonetheless, hysterical!
Your neighbor needs to get himself a different woman. Seriously. I'm pretty sure controlling someone else's, um, waste elimination schedule is a symptom of being totally bat shit in the Diagnostic Manual. I haven't dug it up from the back of the bookshelf to confirm, but I am pretty sure she's certifiable.

Jessica said...

Wow. It sounds like you just had one of those days. Plan a trip to get away from it all! Even if it's just for a weekend. You may just need an escape from day to day happenings!

Jamie said...

Whew!! I'm stressed out FOR you!! Sounds like you had a hell of a day!! Spa anyone?? A bottle or 3 of wine? Girlfriends, shopping, shoes??? ;)

http://www.glamlatte.com

Josie said...

Oh, Carrie. My dear girl. I realize that this is potentially the most ridiculous day that a person could possibly have, but look at all these people who actually care. I highly recommend retail therapy. Try buying something in argyle. I always find that wearing argyle makes me feel like my life is in order.
xo Josie
http://winksmilestyle.blogspot.com

FRANKIE HEARTS FASHION said...

Holy shizzz Carrie! Is that for realz?! That is when you lock yourself in the house, put on your sweats and cork a bottle of wine (don't bother pouring it in the glass) and get tanked to forget about the horrendous events from the day. I think it's safe to say that the Chef needs to take your ass on a vacay STAT! Even though it was your bad day it totes becomes his problem too, right?! Oh the joys of relationships....I'm sending you some good vibes for today. xoxo

Marie a la Mode said...

Oh Carrie, what a day! LOL. I hope you're staying inside all day today. Catch yourself a break! In fact, lock yourself in!

the chirpy bird said...

Umm... I need a drink just reading that story. The chaos, the drama, the straight jacket. Everyone needs to just calm the ef down! Where the hell is the holiday sanity people? Did you trade it in for a good black friday sale? Holy hell I'd be sucking the alcohol from a can of deodorant at this point!
hahaha
xox tash

Sara Bentley @ Purses Pastries Etc... said...

This was way too much to handle! Poor you! Maybe I can help you feel a bit calmer... I'd love for you to visit and enter my GIVEAWAY :) Maybe it'll help!

TheChambrayCountess said...

Carrie, I cannot tell you how hard I was laughing at this and then how bad I felt that you had to LIVE this and then kept laughing because it is so ridiculous! What an insane day! I don't encourage alcoholism, necessarily, but today you need a drink. A big one!

lovealamode said...

Oy vey. That's pretty much all I have to sum that day up...
Bisous,
Rachel
lovealamode.wordpress.com

this free bird said...

Honestly I'm still recovering...with a LOT of peppermint bark. I'm kind of scared to leave the house!!

Even though it was a crazy day I laughed SO HARD when the neighbor was going off to his gf on not monitoring his usage of the bathroom for #2. At that point I collapsed on the bedroom floor and laughed and laughed. And tweeted. oops!

Cafe Fashionista said...

All I am going to say to all of that is...you seriously need your own TV show. Reality, of course. Your daily life is far more entertaining than anything on the tube. But seriously...I think you need a mental health day (or decade; take your pick!). :/

nadia said...

Oh goodness, I am laughing so hard for two reasons:

1) You are just a hillarious story-teller &
2) My post today is entitled, "December, I love you." HAHA. Opposite post much?
Not the best December 1st for you.. hope today is MUCH MUCH better :)

xo Nadia

xo Nadia

la petite coquine said...

Oh my goodness, what a day! At least you were able to keep your wits about you enough to remember it all (although I'm not sure whether or not that's actually a gift...)

Let's just hope that it's start of the month craziness, and that Los Angeles will settle down soon!

Venus In Virgo said...

Oh my gosh! i fee for you, we all have those days :)I have to say the way you posted this with the images you used was fun to read, I really enjoyed it. I hope things look up soon XOXO

Ms. Givens said...

OK, I am demanding you write a book in addition to this blog that will go to print and be wildly popular so much soo that they make it into a movie and you demand that all your blogger friends be included and we all retire early and make fun of people. Deal?

Valerie said...

Carrie, WHERE do you live?? I swear the crazies were out in full force and following you around yesterday! I'm sorry, what a terrible day. I hope you had some peppermint bark AND some liquor to find some zen. Chocolate and wine cure all in my world.

So accumpuncture helps fine lines?? Sign me up! And you to go one in SM?? I definitely want to get the info and check it out!

xo
Valerie

Jude said...

OH gosh, I am soo sorry! I hear ya since my December's not off to the best start either. Fingers (and toes) crossed that things can only look up (they have to right?!)

jenna ♥ a little blue said...

oh-em-gee :) sorry girl, that sounds like a looney toon kind of day! glad you survived, and made it in before any meteorite hit because it did sort of sound like that could potentially happen.

i can't believe your neighbor lady doesn't want her man to take care of his business. hello... that should be considered his office, and also a babysitter so she can enjoy chick things while he's there... for how ever long that takes! eeek

Claire Kiefer said...

I am pretty amazed that you have labels such as "handicap hoarder" and "old barbie legs" on your blog--that is phenomenal. I'm impressed with all these chaotic stories--aggravated mayhem indeed--in particular, the naked driver. Recently, I was driving home from babysitting on a Wednesday night, when a completely naked guy (well, completely naked except for shoes) walked across the street at a crosswalk. WTF?! I mean it is San Francisco. And it was the Castro. But still!!!

Cristina @FUJI FILES said...

Um hello-o on a day like this? Chocolate AND liquor. Always.

Tanya (a Taste of T) said...

Uh isn't this season supposed to be nice? Holy moly!

She Wore It Well said...

oh carrie!! i don't know what to say hahaha! what a day!

M xoxo

Nikki said...

Good God woman! You need to get yourself an office away from home. My blood pressure just went up reading this.

style-haus said...

oh boy, sounds like a disastrous day! it's always interesting how a day will start off like that and just spirals downward. the relic barbie leg is hilarious!

http://style-haus.blogspot.com/

Bella @Bellgetsreal said...

Let the man take care of his business! I don't think I could look at my neighbors any longer without laughing after that one. CRAZY.

so funny...peppermint bark is what I make each year to hand out to the neighbors, I guess she wont be getting any.
Glad you survived the day.

ps did you join my giveaway yet? please do.

Lisa Griffin said...

hahahahahah sometimes these days just happen and you have to just laugh! today my neighbor informed me he keeps 8 (EIGHT) mastiffs in his apartment! hello this is new york WHERE are you keeping these things! thank goodness it's an across the street not next door neightbor, tgi almost f!!!
www.indramaticfashion.com

Anna Walker said...

DANG!
That is the craziest day ever!
Oh and your neighbors fight...super super weird!

http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/

Kara said...

OMG good thing you escaped the old man! Eww, a relic of a barbie leg..my neighbors are hoarders. It's bad, I should have them put on TV. Their stuff explodes out onto the back yard (in perfect view from my bedroom window). Like, I know people like their little garden gnomes and statues of woodland creatures (EVERYWHERE), but must we have 3 moldy sets of outdated patio furniture set out all year long (when they never come outside??). Let me tell you, hurricane season is fun. I never know if bambi or a racoon statue is going to come flying through my window.

Thank you for allowing a place for me to rant! ha

Oh, and now I'm going to be paranoid every time I got to the bank- I'll be watching for crazy old men with casts.

LyddieGal said...

Your life is never boring! And this is just too funny. I laughed so loudly the dog jumped up out of her sleep and ran to the front door barking.

Chic on the Cheap

Poppies and Sunshine said...

Oh my what a day! Seriously, something must have been off with the world because I had one of the worst days of my life. Hmmm what's going on?!
You definitely always have the best stories. And thanks for posting that little moving picture of the cat...it made me laugh so hard!
Hope you have a much better day! xo

Tamara Nicole said...

Holy freak girl what a day for you:-) Glad you survived, and will laugh about it here on out! So funny to read tho

Ellen ♥ said...

Nice entry! up for this and great photos :)

have a nice day!

ellenreviews.blogspot.com

shopgirl said...

Sweetie...all I can say is WOW - what a day!

Just remember that in future it will turn out to be a humorous story to be told at dinner parties - I think.

p.s. it only gets better - right?

xo

Catita said...

cant believe the man was driving naked and loved the pictures from the hangover! Can you believe I just watched it last night! So I was laughing when I saw the images!
xoxo
Catita

annelise said...

It's days like these that chocolate and hard liquor were invented for. Sweet baby Jeebus, glad you made it to the other side.

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