Monday, January 9, 2012

It's a Garfield vs. Odie World

On Saturday morning I was lying in bed doing that thing sane people do on Saturday mornings (sleep), when I was disturbed from the ultimate slumber by the annoying maniacal laughter of the downstairs neighbors.  Within moments the guffaws made way out their backdoor *SLAM! cue windows rattling*, and  up the stairs *thud thud thud thud thud thud* onto the deck that resides just outside my bedroom where they got louder and louder and louder until I stomped into the bathroom that overlooked their joyous *dripping with sarcasm* scene and slammed it shut with all my might.

Did this cause them to skip a beat?  Only one.  They then proceeded, at 9am, to scream with laughter while more and more of their friends arrived on the scene causing me to wonder aloud, 'Are these people mental in the head?' And yes I did scream it out loud from my bed.


As I laid there in my once peaceful haven trying to keep from lighting on fire due to spontaneous combustion it hit me:  It's a Garfield vs. Odie world and I'm in the presence of a bunch of frickin' Odies. They, in fact, own an Odie and that in and of itself should have told me what I was up against.

The Odies of the world are annoying barkers.  Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed from sun up 'til sun down, they are oblivious to others even though they bloody well know what's going on.  They bound around, feigning clueless to use it to their advantage, thinking everyone is on their insane planet of frenetic energy.  Due to the sheeple of the world they are usually hailed as wonderful when, in fact, they are nothing more than quintessential butt kissers.  In true Garfield form I would like to swipe these types from my table, relegating them to the backyard...of a neighboring city.  That I would never visit.

I am a Garfield:  I want peace, quiet, lasagna, death to Mondays, long naps on Saturdays (and all days schedule permitting).  A realist (Odies call it a pessimist, but FYI reality is what it actually is), a thinker, an easer into each day, a gazer out the window of life, spurring into action only when action is called for (intentional living).  I will not scream on your Saturday mornings, stomp up and down the steps outside your window, let my cats barf on your front porch (even if Odies live there), hammer pictures into the wall at 10:30pm, open and close the garage door 18x at 6am, assume your living space as my own, or smoke 14000 cigarettes every morning in the bedroom below yours.  I just won't.  Because I'm Garfield.  And all I want is serenity and a snack.

Rant over and out.

24 comments:

RosaLovesDC said...

OMG, how annoying!
Girl, do you want me to send Lola over there and teach the neighbors a lesson? She can be very vicious and because of her size, they will never see her coming.

this free bird said...

Lola is a Garfield. I think she could aid in mounting a dire attack. Send pronto. Army is being assembled...

Claire Kiefer said...

"serenity and a snack" is one of the funniest phrases I've heard in a while. HA! I'm cringing a little b/c my bf is constantly telling me about my boundless energy and how people can't keep up with me, but I like to think I'm less obnoxious about it than those you describe. I hope, at least!

this free bird said...

I have a sh*t ton of energy too, Claire. But I know how to harness it. You live with a cat. You're golden.

Myisha said...

Hilarious! I have a similar situation. I live atop a Meditarranean restaurant that gets kicks out of playing a wierd version of the Happy Birthday song at 3 am, while laughing, smoking bongs, and screaming occasionally.

Lori said...

OMG ~ I always thought that I was a good mix of Odie and Garfield ~ but now in my ahem "older" age I think I am more and more the cat. Lasagne check, naps check, death to Mondays check ~ Lord help us all. I think I would have screamed at them ~ really. You are my hero Carrie! xo

Courtney Erin said...

We'll start a Garfields For Life club and drive the Odies out of town. Will be boarding a flight to you soon to commence the plan.

Courtney ~ http://sartorialsidelines.com

this free bird said...

Just got a note from a friend asking if I'm okay. I'm all yeah why? hahaha!!

I just don't board the goodship lollipop. It's a scary place...

Bella @Bellgetsreal said...

I really just LOVE how honest and real you are.
You are not alone! :)

Closet Fashionista said...

UGH! How obnoxious! I would kill those neighbors!! I'm a garfield too, haha...except sometimes I'm a crazy odie, but not loud enough to annoy people :p
http://www.closet-fashionista.com/

Josie said...

I would have punched them all. Not really. But I'm a hardcore Garfield too.
xo Josie
www.winksmilestyle.com

ruthy ann said...

seriously? good Lord. Sometimes loving your neighbor just aint so easy!

DiamondsandTulle said...

ayayay - loud neighbors on a Sat. morning? That sucks. I understand how you are - I'm married to a Garfield myself. :)

xx Vivian @ http://diamondsandtulle.blogspot.com

17 Perth said...

Odie was always so damn annoying. Haha. Here's to hoping you find some serenity and a good snack. :)

Bonnie said...

I love you even more for using the term "realist." I always describe myself as a realist, and I get told that is "fancy speak" for pessimist. LIESLIESLIES. A realist can accept realism for what it is -- reality.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

LyddieGal said...

I'm with you and Garfield, and I HATE it when you are surrounded by people who think that you should be up by a certain time, be able to go-go-go all day everyday.

Serenity and a snack sounds good to me.

Chic on the Cheap

Dancing Branflake said...

By snack you mean lasagna, right?

Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

I'm so glad I don't have neighbours. What a story. You must be lackingin sleep now you poor sweetie.

Torrie said...

AMEN.

("board the goodship lollipop"?? you have an uncanny ability for one-liners my friend)

Raving Fashionista said...

Haha this gave me a good laugh thank you! I'm with you, bring on the serenity and naps! :)

xo www.RavingFashionista.com

Amber said...

I had a roommate that was an Odie. She would stay out all night long only to stumble back into our dorm around 5am and proceed to talk on her cell phone while I was clearly sleeping (like all normal people do). So annoying!

Leah said...

I'm a Garfield as well, and I hate Odies. So rude. You SHOULD let your car puke on their door step, just sayin.

xo L.

Ashleigh said...

We would be good neighbors - 2 Garfields living in a smoke free, stomp free world...

Tracy D said...

*Standing ovation* This is obviously why we get along so well, I too am a Garfield (only I wish I would have though of it first). I live next to a bunch of Odies, the trailer park version by the way. And work with a couple of them. Google a youtube rant by Adam Carolla called 'stupid people are loud'...it will make your day.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails