Grayce

We were walking through a residential neighborhood to get to church one Sunday morning almost 2 years ago when I spotted the most beautiful cat lying on the sidewalk.  When I bent down to pet her she barely moved and had the softest fur ever, but I noticed I could feel her bones through her coat.  Right then and there I told the Chef, 'No church for us today.  God put this cat in our path and we're taking her with us.' So off he went to knock on a few doors and find out if she belonged to anyone.  Finally a guy said she just wandered the neighborhood and he didn't think she had a home, so the Chef jetted off to get a can of food while I waited with her as she peered through the bushes into a backyard occupied by a large dog.  We think it used to be her home and she got left behind when her family moved, as was very common when the recession first hit and people abandoned their pets.

When the Chef returned and opened the can she zipped over to the back of the truck and hopped into the hatch.  We closed it and took her home.  She never cried or tried to get out once, instead finishing her snack and stretching out on the leather seat in back.  The Chef named her Grayce--for her gray fur, that she was found outside our church, Grace Community Church, and that it was God's grace that put her in our path.  She was a constant companion, a light as a feather little pal who slept next to him on the pillow and softly touched his cheek repeatedly in the morning to get him to wake up.  She could play a mean game of chase the feather and was often found racing up and down the halls in between the leaned picture frames when she wasn't sitting right next to the Chef while he worked on his computer.

Three days ago she went missing and someone called yesterday to say they saw her get hit by a car a couple doors down from his parents' house where he's been staying temporarily while the restaurant gets up and running.  The Humane Society confirmed it late today so I don't think I'll be posting anything else this week.  

It might seem crazy to some people, but Grayce was like family to us and we are devastated and guilt-ridden over what happened to her.  She was much more than just a cat or even the average cat; I'll admit I even tried to get him to trade my two cats in exchange for her on more than one occasion (sorry Monk and Lil).  She was special.  The Chef is particularly tossed up because, as an avid cat lover, he hadn't had a cat for many years since his last one passed away.  Grayce filled a hole in his heart, reawakened his love of cats, and they were best friends.  It was the story of a guy and his cat.  As dramatic as it sounds, we'll never recover.

I'll see you sometime next week. Cat lady over and out.

The Bachelorette Recap: She's Come So Far and Still Has No Clue

Line of the night goes to Jill Zarin (speaking to Alex McCord aka hag) :  You are an effin' b*tch.

Wait a second.  Wrong show. Far better though--and TRUE THAT JILL ZARIN! #fave

What can I say?  Half my brains are mush from watching ABC stretch 7 minutes of programming over 2 hours yet again tonight on the Bachelorette.  Thank God in heaven this trainwreck is almost over.  For the record this may be the shortest recap in Bachelorette history.  You can thank me later.

Scene opens and I don't know what happened because I was in the kitchen making guacamole.  Three minutes later I roll around the corner to Ashley Bachelorette recapping her final 3 bachelors:  Constantine's buff and everything she's ever looked for, Ben's learned a lot from his dad's death and has really opened up emotionally, and JP's a model for what she wants:  a grown man. Yaaaaaaawn.  Second verse same as the first.

Next thing you know Ashley Bachelorette's getting ready to head out on her first Fiji date with Ben when there's a knock at the door and guess who's back?  This is not a trick question.

None other than Mr. Crazy eyes himself.

After a commercial break the scene opens to Mr. Big eyes aka crazy loon stalking the forest a la John Lock from a scene straight out of LOST (cue *those were the days*, you know, of real television).  He's back because he needs to hear from Ashley that it's truly over.  Really?  I'm pretty sure she just told you 4 days ago.  Suddenly it hits me--this guy is the male version of Ashley pining away over Bentley and I commence hoping for a massive breakdown, something, anything to keep me engaged.  Summary:  he gives his spiel to Ashley who tells him she's really missed him, but go to your room and wait until I can figure out if I need to keep you around after all have a minute to talk to you.  Days go by and the wheels begin to fall off his bus...

Meanwhile it's time to get down to biznass with Ben's date.  We see her waiting on a dock in a bad version of my awesome white maxi skirt and her, of course, bikini top.  She's taking him out on a pimp yacht for the day.  It does look kind of fabulous, if you want the truth.  True to form Ashley begins yammering on about her insecurities:  she's terrified of his mom.  Guess what?  He's terrified too--because his mom is an excellent judge of character and I'm sure he was concerned the woman would see right through you Ashley Bachelorette.  He smoothes it over, I accidentally switch the channel and my tv misses the remainder of the time on the yacht.  Woops!  No biggie seeing as it was just more of the usual:

Ashley acting like a ho. 

*Yaaaaaaawns again*

When I get back on ABC they're getting off the boat, Ben thinks the day's been 'hysterically perfect' and I'm left wondering if that's like a hysterical uterus, which coincidentally I have no clue on either.  At the resort for dinner Ashley has squirrel eyes without make-up, he's not ready to say he loves her, they go to the fantasy suite, emerge in bathing suits, he swirls her around in the fantasy pool before barely heaving her out of the water and carting her off to the sack as she yammers on about this could be her happy ending.  Meanwhile I'm still back on Ryan--has he completely lost it yet?  Is he going to pop out of the bushes and go ballistic?  COME ON CHRIS HARRISON.  But instead we get nothing.  We've been robbed yet.again.

Next thing you know Ashley's standing in some grassy field barely clothed while something like Reggae music plays.  Is there a band?  They're not in Jamaica. What is going on??  Please say it's not another flashmob.  Nope there's Constantine.  Why does he have sneakers on?  He mentions his Euromullet.  I'm concerned that he's not revealing his feet.  Red flag.  They fly off in a helicopter to have an aerial tour of Fiji.  She blathers on about sitting next to a Greek God while he talks about her 'crushing his bucket list'. Meanwhile down below on the ground (it really couldn't get any better) Ryan's screws are looser than ever as he watches the helicopter fly over and gets pissy over waiting and waiting and waiting for her to show.

One day you're in.

The helicopter lands and Ashley and Constantine jump off a cliff into the falls.  He's still got his sneakers on hiding what, at this point I've come to suspect, are hideous feet.  Emerging from the stream she immediately tries to force his hand by harping at him about taking too long to select a house-thereby insinuating he's taking too long to drool over her and time is running out dammit!! Do you love me yet or no-ooooot Demitri?  I mean Constantine.  Word of advice here Ashley:  Did you not notice the man is dominant in Greek culture?  This thing is dead in the water.  

And the next day you're out.

Summary:  Mere seconds after sitting down to dinner she continues ragging him to death about not being consumed by his emotions.  Why doesn't he hold her ha-and?  How old is this chick?  Hats off to Constantine who says he has no problem showing his emotions when they come naturally.  'It's like instinctive'--and he has zero instincts for her.  She shamelessly asks where this leaves them as he excuses himself from the table while she sits there dumbstruck.  AHAHAHAHAHA!! This is what we here at the bird refer to as 'snip reversal'.  And in Ashley Bachelorette fashion her insecurities rage like a teenage boy's hormones as she wonders if either of the other two really even want to be with her.  *shakes head*

At this point I'm thinking she just might allow Ryan back into the fold. Nope. She's back on her broom and needs to reassert herself as the snipper.  Off she heads to Ryan's.  She calls him Ry, he calls her Ash.  Then she ruthlessly tells him she's got the two she wants and he's not one of them as she blows him a kiss and strolls off like she's in control.  Girl please. All you did was double up on the meds that morning.

And finally we have JP.  They see each other, hang all over each other, she tells him it was an emotional week, he looks like he's going to have a breakdown, but the seaplane shows up and all is momentarily forgotten.  Wait a second.  Didn't Constantine just have this same tour only by helicopter?  I hope it's an omen.  No dice.  They land on an island all to themselves.  His insecurities rage as he blathers on about wanting it all to be over and the two of them are together.  She gives it away:  do you want to live in Fiji or New York?  All the while the most annoying music plays in the background as he goes off about feeling like the world's ended and it's just the two of them.  Cringe

At the resort JP continues to display he is the male version of Asslee as she tells him she said buh-bye to 2 guys this week.  He thinks it's over!  He's won the game.  Sorry sucker--Ryan returned and got snipped again *insert look of disappointment*.  Continuing the passive aggressive game he refuses to say he loves her.  She practically begs him to tell her.  Next thing you know they're in the fantasy suite.

GAG

In true hooker form she retreats to the bathroom and emerges in Bentley's a white shirt with maybe some lingerie beneath.  Once again she starts talking in a baby voice as they sprawl out on the bed and make out while somewhere I hope Ben is thanking his lucky stars he did not end up with this tart.

In the parting scene she tries to act like Constantine dumping her was her idea, but the tapes don't lie honey and she has to admit it was all him.  Nice try. In an effort to save face (why start now?) she demands a rose ceremony where each guy has to 'seriously consider' if they're ready to move forward.  At this point I'm hoping Ben runs off as she forces both of them, and the viewing audience, to painfully wait through moments of silence while she, what?, tortures them into faking like they're really thinking over if they're going to give her a ring they don't have to pay for?  How dumb is this?? You have zero control Ashley. We get a side shot of her boob in the dress as both of them accept the roses and she yaps on and on about how far she's come but she still doesn't know what will happen in the end.  Meanwhile we have to painstakingly wait two weeks to watch her family pound into her head that Ben's too good for her while JP gets his way and two of the world's most insecure people sail off into the sunset.  

This is worse than Chinese water torture.

Grecian Cowgirl

Bet you thought you were going to see Constantine, right? HAHA!! I kid, I kid!  That'll be tomorrow after he exits the show (the bachelorette for anyone out of the loop)...bets anyone?

Anyway, was it me or did yesterday just whoosh by in a blur?  Sundays are pretty much the best ever from start to finish:  an official "day of rest".  One of the things I'm trying to focus on this summer is living in the moment.  More often than not I'm thinking 3 steps ahead to what's coming next instead of simply being present.  So when the Chef suggested a quick brunch instead of going straight to work, I took him up on the offer despite knowing I'd have to pull myself together in only half an hour.  I'll confess:  I've been known to obsess about what to wear in the simplest of situations--and I blame it entirely on having too many options to choose from.  Rather than getting sucked into the vortex of throwing 450 things around the room in an indecisive frenzy I opened the closet, made a selection and forced myself to stick with it.  Worked out smashingly!  Dress I've owned for a year and never worn + bandeau + boots + jewelry.  Simple chic and met the timeline.  Miracle.

~Ever-Catania Dress, Brandy & Melville-Lace Bandeau, Foley+Corinna-Mid-City Tote, 

Joie-Booties, Spitfire-Sunnies, PANYC + Melinda Maria-Bracelets~

Note the Chef in the lenses of my sunglasses as he exercises his mad photography skills.

Despite owning the dress for a year, I've never worn it due to its low hanging sides.  

During wardrobe overhaul 2011 (ongoing) I came across this lace bandeau and took a chance layering 

it beneath.  Jackpot! The dress has officially moved into heavy rotation.

It's perfect with the booties and yes I did just wear these last week.  

Prepare to see them again next week.

And because I know you're all dying for a neighborhood update *she says dripping with sarcasm*

suffice it to say manners are dead as yet another newcomer parks their moving truck

smack in the middle of the back alley blocking us in.  Better yet?  Emerges, sees us, and 

doesn't bother to even make eye contact much less move resulting in ixnay on the brunch factor. 

As you can imagine I was thrilled...not.

Which resulted in me retreating back indoors to experiment with making boozy ice pops.  

Post to follow later this week...get ready to call a cab.

SOS ON THE SUEDE/FRINGE FRONT

Ho-ly eff balls (pardon my French).  Someone call an ambulance.

Haute Hippie

Whoever designed this is a mind-reading genius. 
YOU HEAR ME DESIGNER??

Anyone have $900 bones for lend? 

My birthday is in a month (shameless hint hint)

I will never recover from this massive loss.

Pardon me while I go cry in the corner for the remainder of my days on earth. 

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

I never really gave a rat's a** what the cool kids were doing. Even back in the day (aging myself now for sure) it wasn't something that crossed my mind.  Some girls were obsessing about weight, others what the 'it' thing was to wear, who was dating what boy...I was the odd one out wondering if they were serious or just trying to get attention.

Cut to scene and here I am with a 3 year old blackberry--first smart phone I've ever had and one I didn't exactly want if you want to know the truth.  I recall finishing a pretty crazy hike with my friend and her Rottweiler in Lake Louise.  First time off I'd had in 4 years.  And my damn blackberry (the one 'they' made me get before authorizing the vacation in the first place) rang for the first time ever with a client begging me to cut my vacation short.  Right then and there all my worst fears came true:  I can never get away from them, truly be alone with my thoughts and disconnect entirely.  In that moment I realized there was no turning back:  I'd fallen for the bait and would now pay for it indefinitely.

This week the rollerball snapped right out of my blackberry and I've been carrying it around like a serving tray so as to continue use.  My contract's up in a month and I can opt out without a fee...except then I lost the rollerball entirely causing me to defect to the dark side and get an iPhone.  Yesterday I pulled it out for the first time and entered the world of the cool kids aka Instagram. Now I want to take pictures of everything.  My sock, the kitchen sink, that spider crawling on the outside of the screen.

I still don't want to answer the phone, see my email, or be pursued relentlessly.  Just take random photos of whatever crosses my path.  This is going to be a recipe for disaster...mark my words.  But for the record?  I don't feel any cooler.  I'm still, happily, just me.

Newest obsession: Dove chocolate bars with almonds aka breakfast at the bird.

Newest flea market find.  

Brace yourselves for pure vintage 70's.

Bar at the Chef's digs.

Midnight snack. 

Who am I kidding?  Anytime snack.

Shower Curtain aka Serenity Now

The thing that will best be known as 'buzz on a popsicle stick'

once this weekend is over.

Follow me on Instagram!  I want to know if you're on there and will follow you back.  

Red and Purple

When I was a kid I had the uncanny ability to slip out the door to school wearing the most bizarre things without my mother noticing.  I'll never forget the time I came home wearing a plethora of my favorite items only to have my mother screech/gasp in horror, "Carrie you did not wear that to school did you?!?" I couldn't understand the problem with combining a red velour fitted half zip, skinny black denim and fuschia socks.  Or how about a purple chenille v-neck sweater, turquoise corduroy trousers and red socks?  What's the big deal, mom?  

To this day red and purple is a color combo that always catches my eye.  Last month I hit the jackpot of all jackpots at the flea market when I discovered not only the Eight Dollar Pants (yes caps are necessary), but also the most beautiful vintage 70's Missoni-esque halter dress.  Try to envision me jumping up and down while various onlookers stare from a safe distance.  It shouldn't be too hard if you're a regular reader.  I'm just going to spill it:  I wish I could turn back time.  I want to wear old school vintage treasures that would make Farrah proud.  I no longer want to pay more than $15 for anything.  My name is Carrie and I am an addict...flea markets are my poison.

Prepare for picture onslaught 2011.

~Outfit details:  Vintage Zig Zag Dress-Flea Market, Jessica Simpson-Dany Shoes, 

Foley+Corinna-Mid-City Tote, Melinda Maria Bangles & Rings, Brooklyn Thread-Bracelet~

The Pattern on the Dress!!

Oh and The Hand 

(adorned with Melinda Maria Galaxy Melted, Mini Pod Pave and Pyramid Bangles, 

Link Oxidized Ring and a green treasure from can't recall where)

The Other Hand (and a random truck)

The Front

The Back

The Sky Scrapers
...made from what I swear is wall paneling that used to be on my parents' living room walls.

The Neighbor's VW Van.
Kismet

I tossed the dress on last night with flip flops in honor of Taco Tuesday aka might have a few margaritas so better not be wearing anything that could land you on your head.  Suffice it to say it was some of the best $15 I've spent this year -- on the dress, not the drinks. FIFTEEN DOLLARS! *passes out*

The Bachelorette: The Night We Kissed Quality Good-bye

I would like to begin tonight's recap by stating for the record that Ashley Bachelorette wore pants to every single hometown date thereby proving she knows what a hooker she looks like in those t-shirts she calls dresses.  If I was disgusted with her before I don't have words for what I am now.  Tonight's episode took the cake in so many different ways.  What stood out most to me is how completely self-centered Ashley is and how genuinely decent a couple of these guys really are.  They need to get off the show right now even though it's already wrapped.

Let's get down to business. Tonight's episode began with Ashley listing all the things she likes about each guy.  I can't remember all of them, only the most completely ridiculous ones: his build, he's a 'man' (no really? I thought he was a woman) his hair, his physique (yes she said both build and physique), and that their life would be rich (gold digger), he's unique, funny, never met anyone like him, unique, never met anyone like him.  Yes she said the same things repeatedly.

The best part:  after a whacked out description of the four remaining contenders they cut to her apartment in Philly where she's packing up to leave and, pardon me people, but that's temporary housing.  There was not a single personal touch in a studio of approximately 450 sq. ft.  There's no way she lives there.  Nice try ABC.  Her stuff's already in a Public Storage somewhere in LA.  You know I'm right.

Anyway first date's up and she's off to Georgia to meet Opa! (You'll see why I've renamed him in a hot minute).

image via starcasm
Can we be done with him already?  This is getting on my last nerve. 

 I'm about to turn off the tv, but the suspense of
her going up against his father's disapproval sucks me in.

Summary:  They  meet up in a park and the lack of sparks has me slipping into a coma.  Coming to I notice they are in "his restaurant" aka the place his father owns and makes him work because you know he's living at home rent-free. All I notice is the guy has such an over-inflated sense of self you could smell it a mile away.  She's mesmerized by his hair and doesn't notice.  They make a pizza in the kitchen, and she puts together a massive salad (he took her lead on kindergarten games from last week's date) while the wait staff looks on.  Seven to nine minutes later they take their pizza from the oven and head outside where they don't eat a bite, smooch for the female servers spying through the plastic plants and then head over to meet the fam who have the world's largest sign plastered outside welcoming him home.  He's 5 years old.

I'm gearing up for her to get grilled.  You know they want to see if she worships him.  The sister clearly does and I'm weirded out.  I'm waiting on daddio to go off about having kids and sure enough she didn't even get one bite of lamb chop in before he states Constantine is great with kids...and calls her Asslee.  I can't even make it up.  It gets better:  two seconds later the mother hauls Asslee away from the table and out for a chat the Greek Inquisition asking if she's ready for all this.  Asslee states she loves the family (has been there all of 15 minutes), but that's not what Mama Eleni means.  Oh hell no.  She wants to know if Asslee is ready to move there and work in the restaurant living with family.  It could not get any sweeter.  Asslee's on the spot.  Eyes glazed (am I at the winery yet?) Asslee states she has no problem relocating.  Suuuuuuuuuure.  This guy's a mercy snip when it's the final 3 and you know I'm right.  She's a dancer and nothing's getting in her way of DWTS which is not in Georgia.

Speaking of dancing.  Fresh off the hotspot Asslee settles into the sofa proclaiming her love for the family when the doorbell rings and the ENTIRE clan of 100 runs in smothering Constantine with kisses as they break into a giant Greek Opa! dancing circle while the sister states, 'I knew she'd catch on.  She's a dancer,' as the uncle tosses rolls of dollar bills into the air.  Priceless.  

Now is when I started to get bothered.  Next up:  Ben.

  

Despite his monotone voice, this guy has really grown on me.  He's a winemaker with incredible class and has been through a lot with the death of his father.  She's rambling on about his hair, his fashion and his sexy.  Really Ashley?  Are you 15 years old?  Gag.  If his mother and sister are watching this they have to be just sick to their stomachs hoping she did not pick him.

Ben takes her to his Winery, they sample wine, smooch it up and then eat a picnic lunch on a deck in the drizzling rain.  Romance.  I notice he's wearing brand new boat shoes (sans scuffs on bottom) and no socks.  I give him a pass on the no socks when he starts saying how it is of the utmost importance that his mother and sister like her because they are all he has.  A glimmer of hope. Cut to scene and they're at the house.  Why is Ashley wearing those ill-fitting cowboy boots? These people are educated, refined and no-nonsense.  Ashley admits, at the dinner table, that she fell for his hair.  I'm horrified.  The mother is not impressed.  Cut to scene and the sister is seriously questioning him in the kitchen while the mother shows Asslee family photos during which time she asks again if he's always had this hair...oh yes she did.  The mother gives her the most bewildered look.  Asslee 0; Family 462849

All I remember next is Ben telling his mom how he didn't handle his dad's death very well and should have been there for her more than he was, and how sorry he is and wishes he could re-do it.  Then he cries to the camera talking about how much he loves and misses his dad, and wishes he could be there to share in everything going on.  He cried.  I cried.  I bet a lot of America cried.  I'll cry even harder if Asslee picks him because he deserves so much more.  I bet his family told him so, too. PLEASE

From here we head to Mr. Romance/Manners/Intelligence/Man of Many Facial Expressions

Look at this business.  The guy is off the hook.

I'm going to take it to the mattresses for Ames.  The only thing she got right is that he is truly unique and there is no one like him.  How someone of his intelligence could fall head over gushing heels for the likes of Asslee goes to show how isolation in this process leads one to lose the ability to reason.

They enter the house and you can immediately tell his family is put together.  They are well-spoken, cultured and intelligent.  The sister is not stroking Ashley's ego and Ashley does not like it.  They go to chat by the indoor pool and Ashley is mesmerized by this phenomenon barely able to focus on the questions being fired at her.  There's no getting by the sister.  She sees the way her brother is looking at Asslee and Asslee is not looking back the same way.  Asslee, being the gutless wonder she is, admits this relationship is moving slower than the others forewarning of the upcoming rose ceremony like she always does.    Meanwhile the mother, who is the epitome of class, doesn't look at Ames while discussing Asslee.  They're not into her.  Sis tells Ames he needs to pull out the stops because he's going down (paraphrased).  He says he's ready to light a fiyah and packs a picnic taking her out to his favorite magnolia tree on the property.  It was out of a storybook beautiful.

He admits he was somewhat of a nerd growing up, didn't have many friends or do well in school, but wouldn't change a thing because it made him appreciate everything and work hard.  How does Asslee respond?  She says she thinks they have the same brain, think the same way and share the same thoughts.  What.the.hell?  At this point I want to reach in and pull him out of the screen to safety. This chick doesn't even know what mental plane he's on never mind share a similar thought.  Next thing you know he's gushing that it's his most romantic date ever, they awkwardly and I mean awkwardly kiss, and ride a wagon all over the property while drinking champagne after he describes infusing the day-to-day with romance to live a life covered in it.  Run Ames. 

Finally we have the little whiny weasel.  

These two belong together and, I suspect, will end up together.

Not because she likes him best, but because anytime someone whines a LOT 

she gives them a rose.  And this guy is the consummate whiner.

In fact, he began tonight by whining that he 'finally has her all to himself'.  Oh gag already with that!  He takes her roller skating and all I'm thinking is, 'sweaty feet in dirty shoes, sweaty feet in dirty shoes' *shudder*.  They spin around to REO Speedwagon, can't fight the feelin' anymore, and she hangs all over him in junior high PDA.  He tells her he needs a LOT of reassurance in a relationship. RED FLAG ASHLEY.  Oh you know she's picking this one.  

They get to the family who go on and on and on about how he was destroyed after his last break-up.  We get it already! I'm wondering if he tried to off himself or ended up in a psych ward because they won't stop talking about how concerned they are.  They also do everything they can to throw the former girlfriend under the bus.  Classy.  Ashley will fit right in here.  

Line of the night goes to the mother who says:  JP has no trouble finding girls to fall in love with, he just can't keep them and then loses it.  The entire thing goes over Asslee's head.  The mother wants to know how she's dealing with 4 men because her son cannot handle if he doesn't get selected.  Hello Ashley the woman is trying to tell you to snip her kid now or he.will. SNAP in the end! Ashley takes it as flattery rather than a warning and says she just goes with her gut and her head:  both, coincidentally, proven to be useless in this Bentley process.  No worries Mama, she's smitten with JP.  The mother thinks it's an admission that JP wins. Hmmmmm I wonder where he gets it from?

Cut to scene and Ashley emerges from the limo in -you guessed it!- the most skin tight t-shirt/dress and no pants.  Her butt is barely covered.  She proclaims 'I'm home!'--no you're not honey.  Snap out of it. You live in Philly, but we're just not sure where.  Moments later she ruthlessly snips Ames who is is floored.  The word stunned does not adequately describe.  And what does she do?  She takes him outside, shakes his hand and brushes him into the limo while he tells her she is exceptional and he will remember every second of their time together for the rest of his life.

I'm horrified.  Someone needs to make sure she didn't pick Ben or I'm going to have to stage an intervention.  Ames?  Are you out there?  

Rebirth of a Saturday

Once upon a time on Saturdays the Chef and I would cook brunch and later stroll the neighborhood for dessert, or maybe go to the beach.  At times we would indulge in a mid-afternoon cocktail followed by a movie--perhaps even two.  Somewhere in between we would grab some outfit pictures for le blog.  My how times have changed.  Now Saturdays look like this:  struggle to get out of bed by 11am after going to bed at 4am after closing the restaurant.  Brunch?  Oh hell no.  See that peach in the refrigerator?  Yep there's brunch.  What was that?  You wanted dessert?  How about the Dove chocolate bar with almonds?  Okay don't mind if I do. Something to drink?  Wheel by Coffee Bean and hope there's no line or I'm s.o.l. because we have to grab last minute ingredients for dishes that sold out last night and the place closes at 3pm.  Screeeeeeech.  Hey at least we're in it together, right?  Truth be told we look at each other and bust up laughing regularly.  The days of wearing matching socks are long gone.

This Saturday was spent in a whole new world.  Outfit pictures?  Done in a warehouse surrounded by various eye-opening goodies.

Box of Chardonnay?  Now that you mention, it is kind of hot outside.

*heaves into cart*

What the wha?  50 individually wrapped bags of Cheetos or Fritos for $10.98!?

Britney? Britney Spears?  Can you hear me??

Carmageddon or no carmageddon girlfriend would have been there in moments 

for a piece of that action.

Woman wanders aisles forgetting what on earth she's even looking for.

Is this over yet?  Death to fluorescent bulbs.

Once back in the vehicle they realize there are zero close-ups of the outfit. 

The bf grabs the camera and, while at a red light, looks over and snaps a picture of gf's new necklace

while she downs the box of Chardonnay from the passenger seat (I kid, I kid...on the chardonnay only).

And yes Carey has the necklace too--I swear our brains are on the same wavelength sometimes.

Almost forgetting to highlight Inspector Shoeseau's latest conquest, woman grabs camera 

and snaps picture of Joie bootie purchased at more than 50% off mere weeks ago.

Never give up the dream.  Even if you have to call 23 stores to find it.

Other random thoughts:  Last Thursday evening I witnessed the worst behavior in the grocery store.  A woman my mother's age walked up next to me at the Rainier cherry stand and began randomly picking and eating cherries out of the individually pre-wrapped bags. We're not talking one or two cherries (that would be bad enough) oh no I mean like a five minute marathon of at least half a bag.  Finally I looked over and stared until she stopped before I stomped off.  Next thing I know I've forgotten to get dill so I have to walk back by the cherry stand where guess who's back?  Hands all up in the cherries, eating away, and she's brought her husband back for dinner.  They were spitting cherry pits into their hands and burying them beneath the bags.  Double fisting.  I made a huge scenario of stopping in my tracks so he looked up and saw he was spotted.  Even under the spotlight of my withering glare he didn't care.  He was at a smorgasbord and nothing was going to stand in his way.  A massive eye roll and head shake later I make my way back to the front of the store where he and his looney tune wife have followed and are standing behind me waiting to pay for 3 things---none of which are cherries.  Why would they need to pay for that?  They basically just stood there and stole them in plain view of everyone in the store.  What are people thinking about?  

Demo of proper cherry selecting etiquette.  

Note:  hands on outside of bag.  Word.

I swear this used to be a fashion blog.  

Blog Sale Amidst Random Thoughts

Confession time:  Nothing has become my new favorite thing to do.  I'm pretty sure I've worked my way to a silver medal in doing nothing and I've only been practicing for about a week.  Here's the downside:  when you're doing nothing you run the risk of not wanting to return to le work.  I've successfully managed to tell myself enough lies for the past 3 days regarding why it is I don't need to walk around the corner and down the stairs to get the mail out of the slot where the bills aka reality might be.  Well, that and every time I survey the carpeted stairs they are just a little more shredded up by my cats who, if you remember, are waging war on carpets.  Avoidance is the new black. Today I was coerced by the UPS man who, seeing my front deck door open, whistled until I was forced to admit I was home to retrieve the package.  Whew moment occurred when there was a paycheck in the mailbox vs. just a bill. Victory is mine!!

Next week I'll get back to being productive, but for at least the next two days doing nothing reigns supreme.  You should totally give it a try sometime.  Especially you overachievers--it takes a few days to get into it, but once you're there it's really quite an unparalleled experience.

I guess I can't say I've done absolutely nothing because I'm (still) cleaning out the closets.  Before listing anything on eBay I thought I'd toss it up here to see if anyone's interested.  All the stuff is in epic shape.  It'll be first come, first serve so just send me a note to carrieonnn@gmail.com if you're interested/have questions and we can PayPal.  

SOLD
Martin + Osa XS 100% Cotton T 

Retailed for $39.50 and I'm asking $15.00 + shipping. 

It's brand new, tags still on, never worn.

Why am I selling given my love for M+O?  I have two of them.

And it's not wrinkled.  They were originally rolled at the store and I literally unrolled 

from the bag just a couple days ago (M+O fanatic)

Longer t, perfect with cutoffs, jeans or over a long maxi.

RESERVED
J.Crew XS Bubble Tank--would fit XS or S

Paid $24.99, asking $10 + shipping

Washed, but never worn.  Even as I'm listing I'm having second thoughts.  

Bubble fanatic in the house.  

Also perfect with jeans or cutoffs, and super cute beneath a little jacket.

James Perse, Size 2 (small), 3/4 Sleeve Hoodie

The fabric on this little jacket is super, super soft.

Paid over $100 originally and asking $30 + shipping.

I have washed and worn a few times, but it is in excellent condition.

Love it with bf jeans rolled and a little tank beneath.  

Nordstrom (Brand:  Mica), Size P (waist 25) 

Okay I love this little skirt.

It is adorable with flats, a simple T and a denim jacket tossed over for a Parisian vibe.

I can't remember what I paid, but it was in TBD

Asking:  $15 + shipping

SOLD
James Perse Cotton/Angora Blend Dress
Size XS/S -- fits slouchier so will fit a size S easily.
Tags still on--don't know why I haven't worn it.
Paid $250 asking $35.
It's Friday and I'm feeling generous.  Basically giving this mother away.
Perfect for fall with thin belt doubled and a pair of knee high boots.

SOLD
James Perse Long Cotton Button Up XS (attached thin belt hanging in back)
I have this in charcoal and wear it to death so purchased in navy and, of course, haven't worn.
Paid $175 and asking $30.
The light's weird right now so this is the best picture I can get.
What you can't see is that the back of this shirt and sleeves are
 made in Perse's signature soft cotton commonly used on his t-shirts.
I wear mine with skinnies and suede knee high boots--especially great in fall.

I'm still going through things and have more to add next week, but wanted to start clearing out some of my faves off the top.  You know, before I decide I need to keep them.  Send help.

On that note I can't wait to tell you what I saw at the grocery store last night.  People have lost their damn minds is all I have to say.  It's amazing how when you slow down you notice so many more things, right?  I'm not sure this is a good thing or a bad thing though...In any event it's the weekend.  Let's raise our glasses in a toast to summery sunshiny days!  May they go on forever (or at least through October).

Summer Days

Some new developments have taken place in my neck of the woods (ahem, concrete):  It appears as though  a civilized person has moved into the neighborhood.  A piano player with legitimate skills.  Can you imagine??  Just last night I turned down the volume on the television to take in a half hour of wonderful music.  My mother was right:  I do regret quitting after all those years of lessons.  Sigh.

Let me tell ya:  summer is in full swing over here.  Last year was such a letdown in the warm weather department it's tough not to want to be outside all day every day.  I don't know about you, but the days seem to be going by so fast I wish I could put it on pause.  Bright sunny mornings, light streaming in the windows in late afternoon, the sound of the ice cream truck, an endless supply of fruit--it's the simple things keeping me happy these days--including a relatively light workload that I'm pretty sure I should be freaking out about.  But then I smell someone bbq'ing...

With the Chef's change in schedule it appears as though 2013 will be the first time an evening date may re-occur.  Instead we're making time in the mornings once or twice a week to spend a few hours together.  One thing's certain--there's something delicious about being footloose and fancy free while everyone else is at work.  The other day we just grabbed tea and sat on the beach digging our toes in the warm sand.  It was wonderful.  More summer please.

This has pretty much become my uniform of choice this summer.  

3x this week so far and don't even care.

Fringe + leather + lace + weathered shorts + piled jewelry and a cup of tea 

Minimal makeup? Yep, sounds good to me.

~Outfit details:  H&M vest, James Perse tank, Current/Elliott Shorts, Thrifted Belt, 

Brandy&Melville Bag, Rainbow flip flops, Anthro sunnies~

For the record that's not my piece of trash at the bottom of the stairs. 

The earth is not a garbage can for pete's sake!  Off to read a book and delete all fall fashion emails.  Have a great Wednesday!

The Bachelorette: Another One Bites the Dust

I just walked past my bed and seriously contemplated crawling in and leaving it all behind.  Did anyone else walk away from this episode as annoyed as I am?  It's been about a half hour since it ended and I'm legitimately feeling like slapping someone.  Where's JP?  He needs a b*tch slap of epic proportions, but we'll get to that in a bit. *shakes head*

The show opens and Ashley starts blathering on about Taiwan being 'the hidden jewel of Asia because no one knows about it'.  Did she really just say that?  Let's just say I don't think Ames' family is going to be too high on her.  Harvard meet dental school...uh, no.  This thing is dead in the water and we haven't even gotten to the hometown dates.  

Anyway we're off and running with the guys meeting Harrison on the steps during which time Ames almost wipes out on the way up.  Anyone else catch that?  Poor thing.  He's a hot mess.  We learn there will be 3 one-on-one dates and 1 group date.  Lucas says he feels pretty good about his relationship with Ashley and we know he's going down for the count.  Anyone who starts an episode thinking they're in good standing is pretty much getting the boot.  Right out of the gate JP starts what turns out to be an episode of whining.  After the last one-on-one with Ashley he doesn't want anyone else near her and he can't take it anymore.  He wants his mommy!  Who is this guy and what has he done with JP??

First date is announced and I'm shocked:

Constantine the Greek 

Suddenly I have a flashback to the horrible landlord I had when I owned my daycare.  I can't say his name, but he was a hot mess young Greek guy who, guess what?  Owned a restaurant with his papa who treated him like the little heir who could.  Mark my words ladies:  Constantine will never leave the family business to have a flash mob on the lawn at the Galleria.  He is merely filling up space and his daddy is about to let him know about it.  Word to your mother.

First thing I notice:  Ashley Bachelorette's wearing skin tight jeans highlighting her seriously bow legs (not a good look) and, of course, a backless shirt meaning no bra.  What is with this chick?  If she has on a top she refuses to wear pants, and if she's stuffed into pants she's trying to be topless.  Blech.  Anyway back to the date.  Off they go on a train to a remote village and we learn that despite knowing exactly where they were going and what they would be doing Ashley has opted to wear sky high heels.  Of course Constantinople has to carry her on his back as they make their way to arts and crafts time at the Love Wish Lantern station.  They do things 5 year olds do like paint stick people and wedding rings on this lantern while Ashley 'freaks out that he is taking it so seriously'.  *someone get the knife out of my hands*

Back at the hotel date number two is announced as Ben (a tinier version of Constantine for anyone who hasn't noticed) as Ryan boldly states that she must be saving the best date for last--him.  How this guy has any teeth left in his head at this point is a mystery to me.  Annoyballs.

Returning to Constantine and Ashley Bachelorette he takes the dominant position asking what she sees in him (puff up your ego much?) and all I remember is her mumbling something about he's a family man because the real reason is he resembles Ben and it's just a matter of time before Ben and JP are in the final two.  Are we there yet? Oh, and she asks if he can keep himself from falling for her until after hometown dates all but telling him he's getting the boot at that stage and don't get all messy about it mmmmkay pizza man?  At this point I notice she is annoyed by him--he is not falling all over her and she can't stand it.  There is zero chemistry between them as they release their love lantern and I fight to stay awake. Yaaaaaaaawn.  Next.

Up next:  Ben aka Mr. Romance

See what I mean?? He looks like Constantine's twin!

Immediately Ashley Bachelorette resumes making zero sense talking about the last date with Ben was out of this world, but she needs to know if it's emotional and physical.  Why?  Because 2 days have gone by and you can't remember?  *digs for my pills* Worse yet she spills the beans that at this stage she likes 2 guys.  Thanks for nothing Ashley Bachelorette!  We already know it's Ben and JP, but couldn't you have just zipped it and played along?

They hop on some moped, she's wearing shorts and all I can think about is how that moped is doing nothing for her bow legs and I wish she'd stop wearing neon.  Sad but true.  As they zip off through picturesque gorges Ben spouts off cheesy lines about fairytales and precious cargo before they make out on a bridge and I dream of tossing myself off it.  Next thing you know Ashley and Ben are back on the moped pulling up to a hotel in the middle of the night, but miraculously when they get off she's wearing a neon green top and the world's shortest skirt.  Magique.

It goes from bad to worse as her insecurities flare:  What if your family sees me for the nut job I am is skeptical? aka it's me or them buddy and you better have the right answer!!  He says some crazy business about progression, the 'L Bomb' and opening up.  At this point I zone out.  This guy is taking it waaaaaay too seriously and I'm getting worried.  Her hair looks like a bowl cut with a horsetail attached in back and she's giving zilch for a response, but when the camera gets her alone she's calling him her boyfriend? I need a translator.

Meanwhile back at the hotel Ryan has been on pins and needles having not slept for 2 nights wondering if he's ever getting his one-on-one.  Please tell me this guy doesn't live in my neighborhood.  PLEASE.  Verdict's in:  Ryan gets the date while Lucas wonders wtf is going on between Ashley and Ryan because he just doesn't get it.  Ding ding ding JR Ewing--your number's up!

Next thing we know it's morning time and Ben's bed hasn't been slept in.  JP needs Depends and a box of Kleenex.  He's on the edge of a straight jacket and there's no reeling him in.  Ben rolls in and everyone wants an answer to the all consuming question:  did they do the deed?  JP storms out as Gentleman Ben announces separate beds, but that's not good enough for JP.  WTF is Ashley up to?  Didn't they just have a hot date back in Hong Kong? How long until they're back in NYC with his family?  Slow down young gun or ya might get snipped.  At this point I am officially done with JP.  Raging jealousy is never a good thing.

Before you know it it's group date time.  Lucas notes it's gonna suck because JP's being a b*tch and they have to be around him all day long.  Good call as this exact thing happens when Ashley Bachelorette proceeds to make them each of them dress up in 'wedding attire' to take fake wedding photos.  Oh no she did not.  Oh yes she did.  I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Lucas in a gold kimono type thing.

I'm sorry but this is all I can find and all I can say is Ames and Lucas are saints and

Ashley has once again displayed that she has zero brains and compassion.

What self-respecting man would be okay with this??

Brief synopsis:  Lucas has to wear a gold dress thing which she says she thinks he'll like because he's 'traditional'... read:  she's trying to turn him against her already.  When he calls her out on it she says it's not a dress, it's a long shirt and turns into a total biznatch.  You know he sealed his own fate right then and there because she has zero tolerance for anyone who calls her out.  Remember Ryan from last episode? *cue 'come sail away'*  She knows a long shirt from a dress--she's been wearing short shirts as dresses all season damn you! Anyway Ames gets jammed into a baby blue tux with sequined lapels while JP turns his frown upside down upon learning Ashley picked out a real live tux for him so she must like him best!  Cut to scene and they're taking fake wedding pictures in front of each other while she sucks face with each of the guys and can't understand why they're feeling like it's all a big joke.  Zero intuition in the house!  Ames pulls out all the stops showing her pictures of his family, but JP zooms in with a big ball of whiny baby so what does she do?  Gives him the rose thereby slapping Ames, his pink pants, and Lucas right in the face.

Remember the last person she did this with?  CRAZY RYAN

Speaking of which it's time for his one-on-one.  And here's where it gets juicy--and I don't mean Juicy Couture given the color of his shirt...

  

Immediately I notice she's in semi-tight white pants and flats.  This is the kiss of death for Ryan, even though she's managed to throw him a bone with the open back shirt and lack of bra.  She's a ho.  She takes him by the Match Making temple, they throw down rocks that land on the same side and it's a bad omen.  Reading the signs she continues to send him negative signals that go entirely over his head.  He's noting the sun has emerged, Tai Chi is good energy in/negative energy out, wow that's a huge Koi...as she tells him she knows approximately zero about the environment and doesn't care much.  One time she even threw a plastic bottle in the garbage and a guy dumped her.  Do ya hate me yet, Ryan?  Nope he wants to educate her on hot water heaters and what a waste they are as she takes a trip to planet Ben or planet JP--who lives closer to LA?

At this point she starts fake crying and tries to snip him.  God in heaven I wish I had a screen shot of his shocked face.  'You don't want to meet my family????" It looks like she kicked him in the nether regions.    He tries his usual playing on her guilty side, "I was so looking forward...oh whatever...." And he's out!  But not before he hangs on her, groping her backless shirt.  This guy's a sick dog.

But that's not the best part:  when they go to interview him he all but BURSTS OUT LAUGHING in the camera.  He was not shaken up one bit.  He was totally trying not to pee his pants laughing.  It was so bad he turned his face, gasped repeatedly and ran off into the bushes.  The guy went up about 2659531 notches in my book at that point!  It was so bad they had to voice over while he walked the streets without any close ups of his laughing face.  Then they got him at the end completely wiping one fake tear while you know they died laughing over what a joke this entire season has been.  AHAHAHAHAHA!! You know this guy was in massage parlors all over Asia while these dates were going on.  I'd bet money.  

I'd also bet she second guesses herself and wants him back at the end of the show.  She's nuts.

Anyway--it's time for the rose ceremony, but she doesn't need one.  Ashley Bachelorette knows who needs to go.  She's over Asia, this entire process and just wants to go home.  She doesn't like anyone and faking it is a lot tougher than it looks.  Chris Harrison announces no rose ceremony and Ames is stunned.  This is not good.  He thought Ryan was the top contender and now he's gone.  What does it all meeeean?  I'll tell you what it means Ames:  it means you've been sloshed for weeks.  Ryan has never been a top contender and you need to see a doctor for that hit to the head.

JP is suddenly Mr. Nutsack.  It's no biggie guys.  She doesn't need a rose ceremony I have my rose because she knows what she's doing.  Next thing you know Ashley emerges in her gunnysack and is losing all the dead weight.  Lucas goes out with class while JP beams in the corner.  What a weasel.  Ashley admits she has no idea what she's doing while the rest of us realize all she really knows how to do is not wear pants.

To add insult to injury we  have to watch that sniveling Emily wax on about how it didn't work out with Brad.  Clue #1--pack up your crap and get the apartment close to him before 3 months have gone by honey.  Clue #2--Stop reading the rag magazines and getting sucked into the lies that he has other girlfriends even though he's calling you non-stop.  Clue #3--Stop saying dot dot dot.  Clue#4--If you want us to think you don't want anymore paparazzi attention and to be the next Bachelorette then why did you emerge from the limo in one of Ashley's skirts?? and finally Clue #5--If you didn't want to sit there, then why are you??  Because you want to be the next Bachelorette.

She reeked of insecurity in the After The Final Rose ceremony and I felt bad for Brad.  He finally decides to grow up and be a man and ends up picking the most insecure (albeit pretty) one of the bunch.

I long for the good old days:

Bentley?  Are you out there??