Friday, June 24, 2011

Sharp Realizations

~image via serena and lily~

I'm having a serious moment here at the bird.  Okay I'm having several.

My parents are big believers in alternative medicine.  It's not that they won't go to the doctor or hospital, but in terms of daily living they are definitely vitamin takers and proponents of overall wellness that comes from non-traditional methods.  When I was in my early twenties I finally allowed them to convince me to see an iridologist.  At the office she put a blown up view of my eye on her computer screen and proceeded to tell me how the different parts of the eye related to different parts of my body, and what deficiencies seemed to be apparent.  It was quite interesting and, remarkably, quite accurate.  She said something that day that has stuck with me ever since:  Listen to your body.

My freaking wrist doing what it's doing with the carpal tunnel is my body screaming at me to slow down.  Easier said than done.  People have to work, right?  In the past 24 to 48 hours all but a couple of projects have managed to miraculously clear from my desk.  It's a weird feeling.  As things have slowed down I've been able to go to bed earlier, rest my wrist (I'm reading your blogs, but trying to keep my wrist still), and actually have some quiet time to just sit with my thoughts.  

The other day while reading Sarah's blog the strangest thing happened:  out of nowhere I experienced a pang of sadness when she talked about surprising her son with tickets to an advanced screening of Cars 2.  Unlike a lot women I've never been one who cared if I had kids.  I mean I like kids just fine and all, but it's never been a priority or even desire to have my own.  I'm more that person who, on any given day, is trying to figure out a way load my bike like so up top and just run away from it all.  You can't imagine how bewildered I was to feel the way I felt reading Sarah's words.  Hmmmmm.  I don't quite know what to say or think about this.  It is absolutely uncharacteristic of me.  And I've just blurted it out to the blog world.  Good thing I don't have thousands of readers.


Now that I've completely freaked myself out I'm going to continue purging my closets (pile of over 10 things so far!) -- and perhaps allow my mind to continue to venture into serious life things in the days ahead.  I'm scaring myself.  I need a nap.  


I'm trying to listen to my body.  

46 comments:

Katie said...

I wish I was better at this, because I need to be. I've been forced to listen to my body a lot the last few years, but my stubbornness tries to ignore it. Bad habit. Good for you for taking a step back and slowing down, even if the wrist forced it.

Eda ♥ said...

My parents sound exactly like yours, my mother insists that eat 5 fruit and veg a day, take th3e vitamins she buys I will be able to prevent any illness, even if everyone at my working is ill with flu at the moment haha!

Eda ♥

maritaBliss said...

Vitamins and a shot of super-greens with juice every day for me :) hehe.

And a lot of trying to listen to my body calmly instead of ignoring all it's weird aches and hurts.
It's not easy staying calm when you're in pain.

And some people get to the point were they're sadly too sick to work, like me, so stay calm and don't overwork yourself!

Poppies and Sunshine said...

I am glad you are able to find time to rest your wrists. I think it is very important to listen to one's body too. It knows better than we think we do sometimes I think.

I have been the same way about kids. I'm just waiting for the day that it will probably hit me and I'll suddenly want lots of kids.

In response to your comment, I wouldn't complain either with 60 degrees! I am melting here...

Have a very relaxing weekend! Take lots of time for yourself! :)

Signe said...

Some realization ey? :)
I am just like you (were?) and I am not particularly interested in having kids. But my boyfriend does want one or two, so I guess it might still happen :)

We'll see!
Happy weekend :)

RosaLovesDC said...

Hey Lady,
I am still so sorry about the carpal tunnel, but you know, I am glad that you are slowing down. Like you said, sometimes your body will let you know when to slow down and you should listen to it. I am taking it easy a bit too after all the pain I was also feeling in my arm and hand (less blogging, less work coming home with me) and it feels so much better already.
Have a wonderful weekend and don't worry too much about your mind and heart wondering about kids or other things in life. I think we all have moments like that and though scary, it's all part of life.

Judy C said...

Yes, I listen to my body. Now. Must have missed its messages for a long time though. And now I have to fight hard to get the health back. My mom was an old fashioned Southern cook. Nuff said.

About children. I have 3. I was married. They didn't improve the marriage. I believe I had the first one because a friend was having one. The second because I was just so unhappy. The third because I didn't try not to. They are wonderful and I love them dearly. But without them I would have to get an extended family of friends and neighbors. We all need to be with people. And you can love friends like family.

Danielle (elleinadspir) said...

I could tell in a few of your comments lately that you were having some of these feelings. Interesting. They may stay, they may go...who knows. Please rest your wrists my mom had to gave surgery on both not too long ago :(

Closet Fashionista said...

Yea, my aunt and uncle are into that kind of medicine too, my aunt is a massage therapist as well so she really knows the body and stuff XD

and ooh yes, I know what you mean...sometimes I feel things that I never really thought I would feel. Just relax and think about it a while, the solution will come to you :)
http://www.closet-fashionista.com/

17 Perth said...

Good for you for slowing down. It is so hard for me to remember that by slowing down when my body tells me to, I might actually get more done in the long run. I hope your wrist feels the same way. ; )

As far as your realization.....it is such a strange thing to realize, hmmmm, maybe I do want kids. Or to feel a little envious of those people who have them? I have recently experienced that and quickly drank another cup of coffee hoping I was just still sleepy. Haha.

Here's to a weekend of good coffee, relaxation and sunshine!

TheChambrayCountess said...

Listening to your body is always smart. I don't know if it is telling you to slow down to feel better or to slow down so you can think about adding little ones in your life, but you will figure it out :)
Hope the wrist is feeling better!

Debby said...

Could your biological clock be ticking, Carrie? Time will tell! There is always the small dog option. (Plus, they love unconditionally). My little Cooper is truly like a little baby... I know sickening but "dog people" totally would understand. Anyways, rest your wrist as much as possible. I should listen to my body more... I think it would say, get a divorce, go on a permanent vacation and don't come back!! xo

Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

i feel ya girl! - i never thought the idea of marriage was for me and DEF NOT kids! - i have a 'go go go' lifestyle and just didn't think hubby and kids would work - but then sometimes life throws u are curve ball and u say OH SH*T - 'that screwed up that plan' - i always say "never say never" - b/c LIFE happens - things change, ect.

Taylor said...

Ain't Life a bitch, when she does stuff like this??? You think you have it all figured out - you get used running on empty - But them wham you realize you can't do it! Then realize maybe you don't want to!

You need to take care of yourself and everythign will fall into place. I have ppl banging down my doors to get clutches, which I am truely blessed. BUt last night I couldn't I just couldn't sit at the machine for 4-5 hours after a 9 hours day at work. So i took a nap on the couch from 630-10, then bed at 1001. Just have to take care.

And reading this makes me ache that I can't bring over some guac, margi's and a comfy blankets to talk for hours! I love you like you are a sister!

xox-T

LyddieGal said...

People have to work.
I think that is one of our countries biggest problems, we are taught that no matter what we are going through, to just push on through it. Don't stop if you are hurting, just walk it off. Keep going. If you stop, you will never get back on track again.

What is this pressure to just keep barreling forward, no matter what the cost?

And kids. I dont know. They seem like the kind of thing you might want some day, not just because you are a woman and you are "supposed to" but because of those moments, like what Sarah described, being able to make her kid, the happiest kid in the universe, and in turn making her the happiest Mom - it just seems like something you wouldn't want to miss out on, if you could help it.

Chic on the Cheap

Bonnie said...

Guitar Hero causes me to get carpal tunnel.
That really isn't the same thing.
Mr. A suffers from carpal tunnel really, really bad, so I understand what you are dealing with.
I hope you feel better soon!

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Courtney Erin said...

I'm sure this is totally unrelated but I've also always thought of myself as somehow who really didn't care one way or the other about kids but then six months ago I was walking down the street behind a woman who had an infant over her shoulder and the baby made eye contact with me and I started crying. Seriously. It was bad.

xoxo ~ Courtney
http://sartorialsidelines.blogspot.com

Josie said...

Carrie. Take a freaking break. We care so much more that you're doing well and are healthy than anything else! And as for the mom thing, I mean, you'd be an amazing mom -- but don't worry about the sudden maternal instinct. Just be a nanny for a awhile; it will knock that silliness right out of you. Trust me.
xo Josie
www.winksmilestyle.com

Josie said...

Carrie. Take a freaking break. We care so much more that you're doing well and are healthy than anything else! And as for the mom thing, I mean, you'd be an amazing mom -- but don't worry about the sudden maternal instinct. Just be a nanny for a awhile; it will knock that silliness right out of you. Trust me.
xo Josie
www.winksmilestyle.com

Dancing Branflake said...

Hey, people change and that's okay. I'm sure you'll listen and do the right thing in whatever circumstance you're in. You're an amazing person that way.

Allergic to Vanilla said...

I felt the same way about marriage-been with my guy for 6.5 yrs, we talk about getting married all the time, but are also very content where we are at. But this past weekend at a wedding- sudden and utter emotion, I almost cried three times!! Whats wrong with me...

Anyways slow down, it will go away-the carpel tunnel, not the baby thing! Your body always know to fix itself.

xo Carlina
AllergicToVanilla.com

kimbirdy said...

i think it's only natural to think about the things which most of society seems to enjoy {in this instance, kids} from time to time. it doesn't necessarily mean that you're missing out on anything, that it's the right thing for you, or that you would be happiest with kids. it's just one of those realizations that your path has taken a different direction than other people. i don't ever want to have kids. women like to tell me i'll change my mind, i'm only a year shy of 30 after all. but growing up i had many supportive adult women in my life who chose never to have kids and were so happy about their decision. sometimes i see good friends with their kids and wonder if i'm missing out, but ultimately i know that i'm making the right decision for me. i can work with kids in other ways through a job or spoiling, teaching, and celebrating with the kiddies in my life who belong to family and friends, and that will be good enough for me. but we all have to figure out what's right for each of us.

Ashleigh said...

Life's crazy like that huh? It's amazing what we can 'hear' when we take time to be still, but yes easier said than done. Sometimes I have pangs for kids, other times I'm so thankful I don't have them yet. It seems to be a point of contention with our generation - it's more of choice & decision to be made whereas in parent's time it was 'just what you did'!

la petite coquine said...

Listening to your body, whether it's your wrist or your gut, is the wisest thing you could do. Take time to consider what feels right, and you'll find it. And blurt stuff out on the blog-it's a really good place to throw something on the wall and see if it sticks.

xoxoxxxoxoxox, Lena

Claire Kiefer said...

Ohhhh girl. I love that you're talking about this. It's so honest and frankly, it's important because as much as we'd love for life just to be about clothes and good food, these things come up too. I'm proud of you for putting it out there . . . in a way, I think that's "listening to your body" as well.

I should just email you rather than writing a forever long comment, but I struggle with the same thing--people having kids, people having husbands/partners, and sometimes I feel alone, or lost, or like maybe I haven't chosen the best path for myself. I think one of the toughest things about life is that we're always going to wonder about the what ifs . . . if I'd chosen to move there instead of here, if I'd married so-and-so, if I'd had a different career.

I'm here to talk about this any time, cause lord knows I feel ya, girl.

xoxoxoxo

Heidi said...

Ah, kids. I know what you mean about them. I spent the better part of my 20s vehemently declaring I did not want any, ever, never.

And then, little by little, I did.

Maybe it was the biological clock. Or maybe it was just life. There are lots of things we think we want (or don't want) one year, only discover farther down our path that our needs and wants have changed.

Let yourself want what you want when you want it. Don't let your past self dictate your present.

My, I'm full of advice today, aren't I? Good luck either way!

Ms. Givens said...

You almost have a 1000 readers, but we are here for ya.
I am with your parents, especially as of late. It seems every time I go to a Dr. or the Vet for my dogs they put us on something that does more harm than good. I just got an EOB for my one lab visit that was 1,950.00 dollars. Insane! I would love to hear more about what your parents do health wise.
PS. You must go to this blog because you need the polka dot dress on her post today.
http://amoronia.blogspot.com/2011/06/damasquina.html

Marie a la Mode said...

You may want to explore that feeling you had while reading Sarah's post a little deeper. And if you want kids you can have kids. : ) I hope your wrist feels better, I'm not sure what carpal tunnel feels like but it sounds so painful. I guess it's a common injury in today's world with technology and typing, etc. I hope you have a nice weekend Carrie! OH, did you get those pumps from Target??

Jamie said...

It's funny, I have never really wanted kids either. My friends all make fun of me that I am missing the 'mom gene' (apparently raising men doesn't count) but honestly it's never been something I have ever thought to myself 'I want that.' In fact the thought 'Ewwe, I DON'T want that.' has creeped up on many occasions. But after going to Boston a few weeks ago and spending time with (ok falling in love with) my 2 yr old nephew, I started having these really sad separation pains once I got back to LA. I could not stop thinking about him. And missing him. And stocking my (single dad) brother on Skype so I could see his little face and hear his little voice. This has never happened to me before. (Well, over a kid anyway..) Um hello? Who the hell is this sap that has possessed my body?!?
So then it gets worse. My mom calls b/c she's visiting my brother and tells me that at 5:30am my nephew wakes up and starts yelling "Jamie!!!" My mother says "Jamie's not here, go back to sleep." Then he layed his little head back down in his crib and went to sleep. My Mom: 'It was so cute, I think he must've been having a dream about you.' Me: 'Shit.'
I guess we're in the same boat you and I. I have no idea what this all means, but I don't like it...not one bit. Time for some wine.

http://www.glamlatte.com

Meghan said...

I am trying to be more natural about my health - but having been diagnosed with kidney failure at 6 I was treated very aggressively and luckily, my kidneys kicked back into working mode although I still have kidney disease. It has given me quite the pull as I know what medicine and doctors were able to do for me, but I still try to think about being more natural. I really need to start listening to my body - lately I have been ignoring it and feeling awful (so fatigued and yucky).
As for the kid thing - that must have been so weird! Hmmmm..

Allison said...

I'm the freaky girl who you are talking about who freaks out about having kids. I LOVE kids and have so much envy for those who already have them. :) You'll be alright. I like the listening to your body idea.

Lori said...

You do have to take care of yourself first and listening to your body is one of those things. Don't screw around with it Carrie ~ my girlfriend went through the same thing and when it got so bad she could no longer stand the pain and went to the doctor the damage was irreversible. Rest it and get it looked at ~ I would hate for anything like that to happen to you! xo

Girl about town.... said...

See I listen to my body too much and believe I'm dying! So I'm trying to do the opposite!!
And to me, it sounds like your getting a little broody!!

Have a great weekend!

Girl about Town XxX

Torrie said...

I've sensed- just in reading your posts- that you're going through a time of change.

From my own experience, (and as corny as this may sound), recognize that you have an inner compass. It knows which direction to go. *Listen to it. It won't happen in one big step, but small steps in the right direction. The right direction for you.

xoxo

My Heart Blogged said...

I think our bodies can tell us more than we could ever know. Whether it's hurt from something like carpal tunnel, or from something we thought we never needed in our lives. Listen to your body, and know it's smarter than you think.

Mackenzie {Design Darling} said...

I love your advice and I have to admit I've always been curious about alternative medicine. Keep that wrist of yours healthy and pain-free! xoxo

yiqin; said...

the lighting is gorgeous.

She Wore It Well said...

i had those wrist pains and all up my right arm for ages too. i gave up scrolling blogs for a few weeks and it helped a lot, as did a trip to the chiro.

i swear we are kindred spirits. kid thoughts galore over here.


HULP!

Johanna said...

Man, I hope you feel better. Time to self medicate!

Jess said...

I'm genuinely sorry that you're having these wrist issues, but a little relieved that I'm not the only one (haha - that's a little sadistic, isn't it?!) Keep me posted, and let me know if you figure out a way to gain a little relief!

heather said...

I hope your wrist starts feeling better. Until then... well, I guess you have to keep listening to your body. Those pangs are interesting, right? I guess I always knew I wanted kids, but I didn't ever really feel like I would find the right relationship or that I would belong somewhere. And even though it seems like I have that now, I still struggle with belonging. I don't know if it's the same feeling for you. But for me distilling it down to belonging makes the most sense. I'm as lost as I ever was. On the one hand I could say, now I do belong to this little one, and then of course there are those moments of total joy--which nothing can really prepare you for. On the other hand I feel a lot more pressure to figure this life stuff out. And that pressure overwhelms me something fierce. I'm tired, not making a whole lotta sense. So I'll just send you some happy thoughts.

Miss Caitlin S. said...

hey, honesty is KEY. I love that about you, I think you always speak your mind. I hope your wrist feels better soon! And not having kids is a wonderfully valid life choice too. Thinking for a minute that you might want them doesn't make that decision any less authentic.

Kara said...

I'm right there with you.

Annie said...

wow Carrie, thanks for sharing.. it defintiely must be unsettling to suddenly have a change of feelings/heart like that! I think this slowed down time will be so good for your body to heal itself and for you to figure out what you really want for the future :) Don't forget to eat a lot of omega 3 rich food, plenty of daily (or hourly) stretching and of course, REST REST REST :) I think sometimes we have to be thankful for pain/illness because we might never slow down and be kinder to ourselves without a push.. xo

PursuitOfLLT said...

i try to listen to my body but i know i hurt it a lot too. boo.

as for the pang. i completely understand where you're coming from. it's like all of the sudden you feel a sense of urgency towards something you can't find the root of. it's very unsettling. you'll find your way on the topic, believe me!

whoorl said...

I love Torrie's idea of an inner compass. Let it lead you! (And take care of yourself.) xo

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