Monday, October 22, 2012

Laughter? Not Really.

Last week I was cleaning some summer pictures from the camera when I came across this one. For some reason it really bothered me and I couldn't stop looking at it. Rire aux ├ęclats: to roar with laughter.

This summer was pretty much everything but that.

When I look at this I see someone who is tired, exhausted actually, in despair with too much on her plate and trying to keep everyone happy while forgetting how to properly administer the word NO for her own bloody good.

Remember when I got that cockamamie idea to take the summer off and read books, have bonfires at the beach, and visit a theme park? Those were the my mind. Instead I applied for citizenship, studied my brains out for the test, jumped through more hoops than I knew existed, sat here helpless while my mother suffered two broken arms after a bad fall opening an entirely new can of parental worms I have been avoiding since birth, watched the DMV refuse to renew my license when my green card expired while I was in process--even though they were given all the requisite extension forms and lost them 5 times (ever try to run a business and try to survive in California without a car? uh yeah not pretty), all while working my ass off for the playground terrorizer I mentioned in what I think was the last post.

I guess it was too much for me because sometime around mid-July I looked in the mirror and realized my left eyebrow looked kind of thin. By the time I took the citizenship test in late-August it was barely there and come early September it was g-o-n-e.

It's official: I've redefined the unibrow.

Even though you can't tell in the picture, I am firing on one eyebrow and, just to reinforce it, have mentioned it three times in the past 10 seconds. It doesn't sound like much this losing your hair thing, but it's pretty jarring to have something happening to your body that you cannot control in any way whatsoever. Helpless. I tried not to give it much thought, refused to color that mother in and just went on about my business. As my niece so kindly said to me, 'You mean YOU GO OUT LIKE THAT WHERE PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU??' Um, yes dear I do. At least when I have a driver's license to take me somewhere.

I'll share some summer pics later this week and look for one that shows the brow--you know just for freaking you out's sake because Halloween is coming, after all.

In the meantime I'd like to kiss the ground and my brow, the acupuncture needles and infrared light treatments (and my acupuncturist, but I can't risk scaring her off) because my left eyebrow has grown back in just a month. The dermatologist doesn't quite know what to say about it so I keep on reminding her via screaming in her face, 'ACUPUNCTURE SAVED MY LIFE. THERE'S THIS INFRARED LIGHT THING I'M GETTING ON MY FACE AND IT GOES ZZ ZZ ZZZ. DO I LOOK ANY YOUNGER??' That last part is kind of irrelevant, but the way I see it I'm paying for the visit so I might as well get an expert opinion while I'm there.

The verdict is out on the right eyebrow which has now decided thin is in, but I think (read: hope to God Almighty) we've caught it in time. And just last week I found a big ass bald patch the size of a silver dollar on the left side of my head just by my ear.

Why am I telling you all this? Because THREE PEOPLE EMAILED to say they still follow my blog and no matter what the hell kind of nonsense I'm talking about over here they still want to read about it.  Bless you people, you have no idea how much that means to me. So here you have it: alopecia areata, how to set (or in this case forget to set) a boundary, acupuncture is akin to nectar of the gods and I've got an internal wind. How's that for something to think about?

I'm ba-aaack! (and have no sh*t clue on how this new blogger interface works.)


Lisa said...

Hey girl!!! Wow we both decided to jump back on the blogger front....ok me since july! It sounds like you had one hell of a summer so I hope you take some time to relax! I haven't experience hair losing stress, but I do always find biotin vitamins help thicken it up. Thinking about you!
in dramatic fashion

Closet Fashionista said...

Sheesh! It sounds like such a stressful summer! No fun :(
But I'm glad things are getting better in the eyebrow department (one of my younger cousins lost her eyebrows because she has chron's disease (or ulcerative colitis, they still aren't sure after 3 years...), but I think they're growing back again...
(welcome back, I've missed your crazy posts :) )

Anonymous said...

Once again, I'm reminded I need to try acupuncture. ASAP. Take a break/summer vacation now! It's never too late. Plus I always think it's time for a break from life.
PS - Blogger changed again? I need to pay more attention.

annelise said...

I've missed your posts! I've been meaning to tell you that your a few weeks now but keep forgetting/getting distracted by something shiny. Welcome back.

Sounds Ike you need a big holiday and some harsh words with your job. No job is worth losing an eyebrow. Take care of yourself! In the meantime, thank god for tequila!

Lori said...

Good to see you back ~ of course have been keeping up with you on Twitter and FB. You need a VACATION girl ~ sending a big old Canuk hug to you. xo

Callie Grayson said...

Oh my! You have had a stressful summer! Glad to have you back, missed you.
Yeah no car in Los Angeles sucks. Everything is so far from one another and no good public transport to help you out.

Hope all went well on the citizenship and really glad to hear that brow is growing back in!

ruthy ann said...

Oh man. How do you still manage to be so funny when writing about such a stressful summer? Sending *hugs*

Courtney Erin said...

Damn, and I thought the past four months were rough as hell for me! Hang in there friend and pour some tequila for yourself, I'm sure it's 5 o'clock somewhere and you have earned it.

Courtney ~

Dancing Branflake said...

Welcome back! Now let's get that eye brow back, also.

Corey Thompson said...

Your beautiful regardless of your brow situation I am so glad you survived this summer and was glad to share in some of the special pieces of it! I am also glad to see a post from you, Self care does a body good, xoxo


Miss Caitlin S. said...

dude- I still look over to see if you've posted on the reg! So those emailers are not alone.

Sorry about your brow situation! I hate then the body just turns on you like that for no rhyme or reason. I must ask though based on the beginning of the post- is it from stress perhaps???

anyhoo- welcome back! And i'm sorry you had just a nutty summer! Such is life I suppose, though it never makes it easier at the time.

Josie said...

Carrie. Oh my goodness. How I've missed you. It sounds like a rough summer, but I have to say that I'm positively thrilled that you've come back to us. Can't wait to read all about your daily adventures!
xo Josie

Ana said...

I´ve missed your posts!! Thanks for back!

Judy C said...

I have really missed you. I thought you might have decided to quit and I'm so glad you didn't.

Jessica said...

Welcome back, my friend! I kept checking your blog in hopes that you'd be back and, well, you just made my day. I'm so sorry to hear about your stressful summer, but it's not like the year can get any worse now. (How's that for sunny side up? Ha!) I think the recipe for being better is stealing that neighbor's neglected cat and somehow taming the beast ... or maybe that would just add to the stress ... <3

Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

yay i'm one of ur crazy lovers - i wanna see posts babycakes! - woohooo

ChrisRobinson said...

I heart you. Ever so much.

Ashleigh said...

First off, welcome back!

Second, I so sympathize with your citizenship situation, you know I do. I'm so glad that's all over and you can breathe easy now. I mean that with all of my heart.

And finally, stress is a real bitch on the 'ol bod. Even though we know it, how on earth do we stop it?! I discovered acupuncture a few years ago and oh, how amazing it is. Ask yours if she does any herbal work, too. Mine makes these concoctions based on placing herbal drops on your skin to see how you heart rate reacts. I take a dropper's worth each day. Amazing! (Helps calm nerves, sleep better, etc.) I heart eastern medicine.


fabulousjunk said...

Thats what I love about pictures. I (an outsider) see this picture of a woman wearing a cool t-shirt, sunglasses in the summertime. But what I don't see is the long story behind a photo. All that stuff that you just told me, all those feelings. There is just so much more than what meets the eye.
Thats how I feel when I look through old photo albums of mine. It may just seem like a girl standing next to a bar or a girl in the pool smiling, but I can remember the time, the place, the emotional state I was in at that time, who my boyfriend was or wasn't. How mad/sad/glad I was even if I was smiling.
I totally dig your blog and especially this post. I have lived in another country and its a pain in the ass to do the most mundane things without a green card believe me... and keep on writing.

Loraine said...

Welcome back! While you were taking a break, I truly enjoyed your Instagram photos. Especially the kitty cat ones!

Polly said...

Hello there lovely. So much stress in your life, I hope you are ok x

Lena at A Crimson Kiss said...

I come here everyday, even if you're not posting. I can't help myself, and I see my stalking has finally been rewarded (even if I do feel like an ass for not telling you I'm still hanging around waiting to hear about your bonfires and books and hairlessness, but no matter)!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that allll this nonsense works its self out, because sometimes it seems like the whole system is built of out duct tape and used gum. And that you don't scare away your acupuncturist, because obviously that woman is gold.

Melissa Blake said...

You rock, and such a strong woman for all you've been through this summer!! Make sure you take good care of yourself!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I would like to hug you now and kiss your eyebrow :)

You´re the best! And I´ll come back everytime.

Take care of yourself Carrie, life is good :)


allergic to vanilla said...

My thoughts are with you and the brow. ;) Hope things are looking up for you.

xo Carlina

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Lady, it is SO good to see you back, but such a bummer to hear all the crazy stuff that's happened over the summer.
I'm actually intrigued by acupuncture. I know someone who tried it and got pregnant (after trying IVF and other things). It could have been coincidence, but who knows?

Chic 'n Cheap Living

this free bird said...

CnCL: I don't think it's coincidence. My acupuncture lady has also helped couples who hadn't been able to conceive for years!! I really can't say enough good things.

Danielle (elleinadspir) said...

I was saying alopecia outloyd before I read that sentence. A friend of mine had/has it too. So glad the needles worked!!! Although if anyone can rock one brow it's you ;)

Annie said...

Oh Carrie, I'm so sorry I haven't realized all that you've been dealing with. (You may or may not have noticed I've been out of the blogger world for a while now) I am SO glad that it sounds like things have improved, but PLEASE email me if you ever want help with ideas for natural treatments and/or just want to talk (aka write) things out! Sending you lots of love xoxo


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