Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Woman Treading Water Wants Out of the Pool

Has someone ever disappointed you so much that you kind of got stuck at a certain place in your life? Loaded opening sentence there, but one I'd like an answer to.  Recently - and I guess stemming back to not so recently - a person I really trusted and thought highly of (and no not the bf) completely trampled me in what I've come to realize is their ongoing tirade of self.  It feels like such a long time that I've been weaving in and out of a deep level of hurt.  Sometimes, admittedly, without much grace.

Yesterday I was in my car and managed to forget it for awhile when suddenly at a red light this jolt of remembrance left me feeling as though I'd been kicked in the stomach all over again.  Yeah, it sounds dramatic and certainly isn't all unicorns flying out of your a** like blogging's supposed to be (or something), but whatevs.  It's the truth.  A guttural sigh and a green light later I thought to myself, 'I've gotta get away from this. I don't want to let this moment define my life and destroy me.'  It was a turning point, I guess.  There have been months of dark days dealing with this person and I'm really tired of it.  The Chef's been cheering me from the sidelines and it's helped a lot, but every once in awhile I am faced with the fact that this thing, this person, will forever be written in my life story and I wish I could just erase the entire thing.

Hell's bells.  Not so much on the cheery side today I'm afraid.

Some dark pics to go with?  You got it.  Pass the chocolate.

~Outfit:  Juicy Couture-Vest, Old Navy-Sweater, Alexa Chung-Skirt, Frye-Boots, Rings-Flea, FP, Bracelets-Vanessa Mooney, Madewell, Motif 56~

Bright side: skirt's on sale, sweater is too and so good I picked it up in two colors.  Santa's sleigh came early and I was driving it.  Maybe that was him behind me in that picture?  Nah!

32 comments:

The Suburb Experiment said...

Oh duuuude. I know too well what you're feeling right now. That kicked in the stomach feeling. The only (and sucky) answer is it gets better with time.

And on a superficial note, you look fabulous. :)

Jenn
The Suburb Experiment

Josie said...

Oh, Carrie. I hope you're doing okay. Love you to pieces!
xo Josie

Katie said...

I don't know exactly what you're going through of course, but the feeling that you need to cut someone out of your life and it's not going to be easy? All too familiar.

Nicole said...

You are amazing and kind and funny and extremely thoughtful and loving and giving and one of the most enjoyable people to be around. Ever. Don't let this steal your joy!

We love you.

Lori said...

I held onto hate and anger for 5 years with a person until I came to the realization that it was eating me up inside and did not affect her at all ~ so I built that bridge and got over it!! You will let it go in your own time ~ I felt if I gave in she won but me holding onto it for so long made me the loser....

Allison said...

I've been wanting some fur, but haven't broken down and bought any. About the person you were speaking of---dealing with the same bullshit here..some people are just toxic to us, and it sucks trying to find a way to rid them from our minds. I continue to work on it day after day.

Fit With Flash said...

ugh. sorry you're hurt, friend. *HUGS* on the upside, you look fab. digging the skirt and vest. WIN for you. ; )

Closet Fashionista said...

Loving the shots!
and UGH! That is never a good feeling, luckily I haven't experienced anything as bad as that yet, but I did have a "friend" who was a real buttface and stopped talking to her after graduation, haha...
http://www.closet-fashionista.com/

Courtney Erin said...

Well, the plus side is that the "dark" photos look all kinds of awesome and it sounds like you have loads of people, both real and of the virtual acquaintance kind, who are rallying around you...so cheer up and keep moving forward. You can't change the past but time heals all and it's Christmas, so have some fun!

xoxo ~ Courtney
http://sartorialsidelines.com

17 Perth said...

Girl yes. I have been there....and sometimes still hurt by it. Randomly stricken with it, but frustratingly so, it happens. And it wasn't my husband (or a boyfriend) either. Glad you have your bf's support. Hope you start feeling better soon. On a lighter note--love this look.....I especially fancy that necklace. :)

Danielle (elleinadspir) said...

Do I need to come kick some asses for you? I totally will. I'll set everyone and their dog straight ;)

jen said...

Oh sorry for your sadness but the real lessons in life are never pain-free, unfortunately. When we're on easy street we tend to not pay attention. But take back the reins and sounds like you have a great support system in place for moving past this. I'm sure not being able to go home when you wanted to this holiday doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully you can get back to see family soon after the holiday - might be nice because then it is quieter anyway. Be well and peace.

Micah said...

Yep. Been there. Not too long ago. I cut the person out of my life, but somehow they still affect me. I guess that's my fault because I keep letting them affect me. I'm trying to change that.

Daisy said...

that sucks. i hate that feeling. the beach photos are really pretty.

Miss Caitlin S. said...

You are speaking to me here!! I totally feel you and "tirade of self" is THE best way to say it. I have felt just like you too lately, seriously. By someone very close to me. It has been disheartening to say the least. Thank you for articulating my thoughts so well. Chin up! And these pictures are phenomenal.

Dancing Branflake said...

You know, I can really feel ya on that one. It's hard not to go through life jaded after being burned badly, and sometimes I don't think it's worth the effort. BUT, at least you look fabulous through the glum. Seriously- can I please have your bone structure?

Judy C said...

I'm divorced(his idea), lost the kids to him, my mom died, in the space of 3 months. That was over 20 years ago. The kicked in the gut feeling comes back. I think you have to see it as part of the grieving process. A lost friendship can be a cause for grief.

this free bird said...

Word Judy. Word.

Kara said...

Toxic people have no place with me. Took me a long while to figure this out but it was worth cutting them out of my life. I'm a much happier person.

Good luck with your situation.

la petite coquine said...

Dammit Carrie-I have been there. I am there. And after the first few days/weeks, it goes away until you're reminded of how wrong you were about someone's character, and how deeply wounded you really are.

I think what's hardest for me about my own personal version of this is that I'm seeing every obvious signal of this trampling, and how I ignored it. And knowing that you not only misjudged someone, but ignored what was so obviously going to bite you in the ass is almost as painful as what happened.

Where the hell's the chocolate?

Taj Acosta said...

Great photos, sucks losing someone close regardless of how or why. Hope you have a great Christmas dear! xx -Taj

cryskay said...

love this look - so rocker chic. people surprise me all the time, good and bad. i guess you can never trust anyone fully. xx

enter my giveaway to win a jewelmint / stylemint piece of your choice!

Polly said...

Its a hard slog having toxic people in your life, only you will know when its time to completely let go. xx

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Whoa loving those moody pictures!

As for toxic people, it is hard when you care/cared about that other person. But like in any relationship, you need to be in it if you enjoy it and get value/enjoyment from each other. You can't live your life for someone else right?
Sending peppermint bark positive vibes your way...

xoxo,
Chic 'n Cheap Living

TheChambrayCountess said...

Chocolate + red wine! I hate the feelings that betrayal leaves-- it's a see-saw of profound hurt and then emptiness for a while, but you can't let your life be defined by another person's toxicity! You are far too cool to be kept down and you'll make it out, I promise :)
Great outfit, btw, I bought that sweater, too, same color. Love it!

Collette Osuna said...

I didn't get the chance to see this post yesterday, so sorry hunnie.
I have to tell you, that as I am getting older, I'm really starting to "sift through" the people in my life and what they mean to me. Sadly, Ive deleted a few people who I really thought were my friends and had my best interest and happiness at heart. Turns out, it wasn't so.

Good for you Carrie...we all have a "delete" button in our head too. I'm happy to say that I have begun using mine and I couldn't feel better about it:)

Johanna said...

Been there...and it does leave a pit in your stomach for awhile. Or in my case, it did. But the good news -- you have slews and bunches of people that really care about you and love you to pieces. Yes, I am a silver lining kinda girl. Chin up, my friend!

Tracy D said...

Carrie I have been there...not that long ago. People pass thru our lives for a reason I was told and that is what I keep with me. It feels like a break up when a good friendship ends and I think you go thru all the same stages of grief, strangely enough. The anger, the depression, the 'she bet not be having a better life without me', the accidental run into hoping you look amazing (in my case I didn't-suffering from a cold in sweats & uggs at the Walmart). Hope you are getting thru it... xo

Neris / Fashion Fractions said...

wonderful look! obsessing over your boots!

Hope you are having great holidays :)

xxx,

Fashion Fractions

Emily said...

This outfit is amazig! I have those same Frye boots but haven't worn them in a really long time! Your post inspires me to get them and wear them!

heather said...

i hope you're able to get out from under the trample person. i guess the new year is pretty good for that kind of thing...

and on a side note, wow! i really really love your outfit and these dark photos of you!

this free bird said...

oh heather. i left that fool in the dust. thanks so much for asking/caring enough to ask. it was a long time coming...the worst.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails